Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

Per request by one of my friends, I have decided to share my opinion on "the nice guy". Since this topic has been over-analyzed by SO many people, especially on youtube and stuff, anything I bring up probably won't be anything you haven't heard before, but here's my opinion anyway. =)

nice 

–adjective, nic⋅er, nic⋅est.

1.	pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.

2.	amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers.

3.	characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis.

Even though I'm a pretty mean and cynical person myself, I tend to have a lot of "nice guy" friends. Common things I notice about the "nice guy" is that they tend to have a soft spot for girls, but it's usually pretty hard to believe they are a member of the "more perverted" gender. I guess one of the big issues is why are they the most frequent victims of heartbreaking girls?

Personally, there's nothing wrong with the nice guy. Nice guys are perfect gentlemen. They're loyal, maintain a pleasing level of sensitivity, and everything about them seems so sincere and genuine. From my experience with my own nice guy friends, they tend to fall for the wrong girls. I don't know, maybe they just want to have a partner that has an opposite personality. Although they're nice and all, they tend to go for a more demanding girl or someone that doesn't really know how to dish out rejection too well. The fact that the nice guys thirst for the most brutal rejections must be just another cruel trick that life has up its sleeve. --Or maybe nice guys are massochistic, who knows?

Just like the nice guy feels like they're not outgoing or attractive enough to attract "the girl of their dreams", there are tons of ladies out there who feel the exact same way. That said, don't get too hung up on a single rejection. Like I've expressed before, if a relationship is meant to happen, it will; don't dwell on ridiculous fantasies or beat yourself up about something that you can't do anything about. Personally, I wouldn't mind dating the nice guy, and I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there with a similar opinion. Nice guys just have to be patient enough to wait for the right girl to come around. :)

It's a new day, But it all feels old

So today's a Saturday. I think my favourite part of university life is actually exam period. It's so peaceful and you can be all flexible with how you spend your time. As long as you don't have a killer exam schedule, it's pretty nice. =)

Right now I'm taking a short break from studying physics. It feels great to blog again! From a very young age, I was always interested in keeping a written diary that I hoped to update regularly. Unfortunately most of those ended up being filled with profanities when I recorded a heated entry or other people's secrets that I had nowhere else to divulge them to...and my brother would always find these and try to read them. In fact, that happened with my previous diary...and I ended up grabbing it from him, ripping out the most secretive pages and threw the whole book into the huge garbage dump on our driveway (this was used to dispose of our renovation debris).

But anyways, I guess the longstanding reason why I ever decided to keep entries of my life was to monitor how I've changed. Not only through my handwriting and writing style, but also my outlook on life, opinions, and interests. I remember once when I was little, I also tried to start a sheet of paper that I got my brother, myself, and my two cousins to sign. I wanted us to sign it every year to see how our handwriting matured, but I don't know that that paper lasted even one day without being thrown out.

All in all I suppose online "diary keeping" is somewhat a compromise. It can't be destroyed as easily, but I can't just write about anything that comes to or is locked away in my mind. On the bright side, sometimes I can get people's opinions on what I blog about, and they can, in turn, get to know more about me. I guess I can really understand why so many people are drawn to studying psychology or the more mystical social sciences involving the brain. Personally, I love figuring out why people do things or what their real motivations are. Hence, whenever people comment on my blog and I already have an idea of what they're like in real life, it's interesting to see whether their response is typical of my prior opinion of their views or maybe I will have learned something new about them. Also, whenever I hear a secret or some undisclosed information about someone, I find it fascinating to observe how they act when the conversation approaches that topic. I guess you could say I'm a people person--just not a sociable people person.

Confessions of a Desperately Shy Interviewee

Whether you care or not does not cause me to care. I stopped posting for a while because someone who I respect felt my posting was directly criticizing them. Although I had no intention of the sort, respect forces you to do things outside of your will and logical reasoning. Being an immature, unempathetic individual, I have decided to post again to potentially gain some personal gratification. Just getting my thoughts out here in this pretty font makes me feel...satisfied somehow. I guess a lot of this has to do with the narcissistic pleasure of narrating one's own life (me?, not so much a protagonist...more an anti protagonist)--not to mention the mesmerizing clicking of the keyboard. :)

Sitting here in a rather melancholy, non-medically depressed state shifts my thoughts towards "bigger questions" like what is the meaning of life? EXCEPT...for me I tend to ask what is the meaning of me? Other people seem to be doing well in life, so the real question lies within myself. Being actively involved in the job search process for my first co-op term has forced me to evaluate what I hope to get out of life as well as my own strengths, skills, weaknesses, potential, and long term goals.

First round seemed okay. I didn't know what to expect, but my friend Alex gave me a rough idea of how the pre-interview sign in process worked. Other than that I was told to be confident, interested, and honest. I typically went in knowing a bit about the company and why I was generally interested in that job, and I went with the flow, assuming I knew myself well enough. At the time, I didn't realize that answers are (apparently) better long than short, so alarm bells didn't go off whenever 30 minute interviews ended in 15 minutes or 1 hr long interviews ended in 20. I ended up with 7 rankings out of 10 interviews, no offers or resulting matches. I was a little saddened but not overly concerned. Friends, as obligated, assured me there were plenty of opportunities to come in second round; so second round I awaited.

This round goes pretty fast, so I've sort of lost track of all the interviews I've had and their respective ranking results. I don't know if it had to do with the jobs that I was getting interviewed for (marketing, sales), but by this point I felt like I didn't actually have anything to offer companies. To compensate for the waning sense of motivation, I attempted to put in a little more effort to prepare main points for standard interview questions as well as familiarizing myself with the company and (making an attempt at) identifying what attracted me to it initially. I could feel the desperation settling in when I went into a Sales Associate interview for Target Directories and the interviewer asked me to SELL HIM SOMETHING. I don't really know what I drank or ate prior to that interview, but I changed into this entirely energetic and perky person who was going on and on about winter jackets (i.e. telling him he had a need for the product, outlining its specs, bringing up great seasonal deals, and customizability of the product). It was great--just not great enough. For me, that interview was probably the pinnacle of my desperate interviewing attempts a.k.a. personal humiliation. Mainly because I felt I had to put on a mask to sell myself at the interview and act like the kind of people I don't personally admire...all this for a job I didn't really want.

Another great thing I've gotta love about co-op is the interviews where you feel great about your performance, yet the results just don't come through for you--it's a cruel tease, I tell you. For Copernicus Educational Products' Junior Account Manager, I hassled many of my friends for more tips and feedback on my general approach to the interview. Thus I had good reason to go into that one confidently and wholly convinced that this was the job for me. It went really well. I gave full, intoned answers to all the questions, and I truly felt confident. The interviewer and I even made a slight connection through our interest in music. I had a strong connection with Classical music training, and she was into vocals, piano, and guitar. We even talked a bit about the small band she used to be in. If I had gotten that job, there may have been the potential for a social connection beyond the typical employer-co-op student one. We could have been more, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be...but what's that saying--no homo?

I guess the last situation I wanted to mention was my most recent phone interview with Amorfix Life Sciences Ltd. For the first time in a long time, since first round, I was genuinely interested in this position of working in the R&D department of this upcoming biotechnology company. My friend Luke helped me practice my phone interviewing skills a week prior, adding 30 minutes to my dreadfully expensive phone bill, but I think it was pretty helpful. We haven't conversed much on the phone, so it was interesting to get fresh feedback on my voice, intonation, and answers because my friend Sandra and I couldn't figure out why I was failing so many interviews so miserably. I discovered that when I got nervous, I tended to say umm a lot and was advised to pause longer before answering and vary my tone in the interest of the listening interviewer. I did my very best to incorporate these tips into my interviews by practicing with my housemate, on my own, and writing notes to myself on a paper during the interview.

Amorfix was coming out with a new epitope-based technology for treating neurodegenerative disease.

Boring Biology Stuff Here...Skip at your leisure.
Basically, a big issue is to attack the Aggregate Misfolded Proteins that are leading up to these diseases without harming normal protein. With Amorfix chemical agents, the epitope markers on normal cells are altered so that only AMPs can be detected.

Having analyzed numerous companies' technologies similar to this one, I found this opportunity to get firsthand involvement extremely enticing! When I actually did the interview, she asked me a few technical questions, which were pretty simple to answer. I thought my soft skill answers were weaker, as usual, but I left satisfied that I gave my best effort.

THE SAME DAY...

I ended up with a ranking...and the next day a successful employment match! I'm really excited to start my new work term. My interviewer even mentioned the opportunity to expand into other R&D projects. It is going to be a challenging but engaging work term! =)

THE END.


...



...


Sorry what? Was I dreaming again? Let me rewind a bit.

I actually was dreaming. I dreamt that I got the job on jobmine, which helped me to surprisingly wake up from only 6 hours of sleep. Lo and behold, when I checked, I eerily got the job. At first I was slightly creeped out by my dream. Honestly, the chances of me getting a job? No...it's not real--it can't be, after all these weeks of intense job searching????!!!! I ran up to my housemate's room and made her look over my information too, and got her to respond independently of what I thought was my dream world. It seemed legit. A few hours of blissful studying, a halved burden of stress, and surprisingly productive group studying with my housemate left me content for a few hours. I had eagerly emailed my supervisor to confirm details and reassured my parents I had not totally wasted their money on my education. Only a few hours later, my field coordinator calls me on my cell phone. To notify me. That the company made a mistake. In their rankings. And they had to. (VERBATIM) Rescind your offer.

I guess I can just look back on this as a huge learning experience filled with suspenseful twists and turns. I also obtained some insight into myself and how I fit into society. People always ask me what I want. As a self-proclaimed realist, does it really matter? Interviews have further confirmed this. In the end, it doesn't matter what you want, only what you're good at. In this aspect, I believe I am on the right track in life. I am doing what I have the most potential for--a mechanical science career with supporting business background.

It's probably safe to say that I did close to 20 interviews. Understandably, you're saying wow you have a lot of experience. What did you learn? Simple. I learned the co-op program is not really for me. I'm introverted, "overly realistic", and driven by the desire to experience any kind of success, without having any specific inclination or interest in a particular field. Employers don't want me. If I was an employer, I wouldn't want me. I also learned about myself that all I really want is to feel special or useful to someone or some company someday. Preferrably not as some kind of sexual slave or maid, but whatever life serves me I guess I will have to settle for.

Currently, I'm going to persist in trying to find a job up to the last minute, but even if I manage to find a job, it is unlikely to be one that I want and I will have to experience this plaguing process every work term to come. We shall have to see what happens, after all I'm sure my parents are looking to see some sort of investment return on the $500 co-op fee.

Overall, it's been a rough term having co-op. Surprisingly, it sneaked up on me and became my hardest "course", but it's all good. Honestly, thanks to the fact that my near-employment experience all started off with a dream, the full impact of this "cherishable" experience is not hitting me all at once. Sometimes my estrogenic weakness provokes some ocular irrigation, but I'm determined to suck it up and be a man/beast. =) After all I have a reputation to uphold amongst my friends.

What's the secret password?

Just to make the topic of this post clearer...

Club: a group of persons organized for a social, literary, athletic, political, or other purpose; an organization that offers its subscribers certain benefits, as discounts, bonuses, or interest, in return for regular purchases or payments

All my life, I've never really been much of a club person, other than the time my cousin and I set up a little clubhouse in her old van to plays cards and keep random thingamajigs in. I suppose this has something to do with my introverted personality and reluctance to meet new people. In fact, I have a reluctance to get involved with anything new or outside of my regular routine, but that's a post for another day.

For some reason, I just can't ignore this haunting scenario of me standing awkwardly in the corner while everyone is socializing and engaging in intelligent conversation. I am horrible at just MAKING conversation. IN FACT, this scenario is very much like my situation when I was in the UW Euchre club in the fall term of last year. I made one friend, and she was the only one that I felt brave enough to talk to because everyone seemed to know each other and have different favoured topics of discussion and interests from myself--and yet I still went because I just love euchre that much -_-" . The rest of the time, I felt awkward and out of place because everyone seemed to know each other pretty well, they have similar interests to discuss, and I didn't feel like I had anything useful to contribute to the discussions, other than "pass" or "spades, going alone". Again, my lack of conversational skills relates to my being out of touch with the world, a big part of which I will blame on the absence of cable in my house.

Throughout elementary school, high school, and even my first year of university, I always heard about clubs being advertised and all sorts of announcements for general meetings, but I never seriously considered joining any of them. I always found some excuse or other not to join whether I supported their goals or not. For some reason, I felt they were a waste of time because they were student-run. I thought, what could you possibly learn from other students in a club that you couldn't learn on your own? Besides, I can talk to most of these people in any of my classes. Only until this year did I even start to realize the importance of joining clubs.

To be honest, elementary and high school clubs are not so much a big deal. They are pretty closely monitored by teachers, and they hardly benefit society on a bigger scale. Yeah, I know, if everyone does a little, it becomes a lot--just like litter--but for the sake of this post lets separate theory from practice.

Side Note: an interesting thing my AFM prof said in class a few weeks ago, "In theory, theory is practice, but in practice it's not." Something about quotes, which use a few words repetitively yet succinctly, appeals to me.

Since I never really joined any clubs, I can only share my impressions of the responsibilities that the "execs" of these kinds of clubs have. As usual, feel free to express your utter outrage and disappointment in my opinions, minus the profanities please. So yeah, it seemed like these execs mainly collected money, took attendance, or announced dates of events--simple errands that my elementary school teachers would often select random volunteers to do. So how many skills or qualifications does it really take?

Back to secondary school clubs and earlier, the real value in joining them is to gain what I'd like to call "resume experience" for university clubs. "Resume experience" is basically when you hold a position or participate in something that doesn't really develop either your soft or technical skills, but on paper, the job title or tasks sound more significant than they really are. Really, you're just killing another inch of a tree trunk. Anyways, the point of filling up your resume with a bunch of elementary and high school experience is to make yourself LOOK more prepared than your peers when you enter university. When you enter university, the meaning of a club is a whole new story.

1. Networking
As much as I HATE this concept, it is sadly one of the keys to being successful in life. Yes, that also means suckups will rule the world (but this doesn't mean you can't still hate them ;) ). In university, you pretty much get scared into joining clubs because it's difficult to fill up your resume with actual work experience that will relate to co-op job requirements. Plus, you have to make sure the execs at least know you exist, in case you need reference letters or something. When I say networking, I don't just mean for academic or professional work purposes, but also social. By joining clubs or extracurricular groups, I made some interesting friends and witnessed a diversity of students that I would never have noticed otherwise. University or college is SO big that you don't really get a chance to meet everyone or at least see what they're like. Uni clubs are a great opportunity for this.

2. Exec positions
Unlike clubs in the earlier stages of education, clubs are actually FULLY student run, and students are always busy people. Thus, the responsibilities of the club are pretty well organized to fairly distribute various "housekeeping" tasks for the club amongst several members--much like the organizational structure of a company. I actually find this very interesting and useful for application in real life when you're out in the workplace. Having actually gotten involved in a club this year (first time in my life), I realize it's a lot of work and responsibility. To be honest, responsibility and real-life applicable things scare the hell out of me. I AM NOT READY TO GROW UP!! Thus, my natural coping mechanism is to pretend I'm playing house, store, or some kind of make-believe life game. That's basically how I dealt with my grade 11 accounting course, learning how to drive, cooking for myself, and being an Internal Relations Coordinator for the UW English Tutors. Btw, this reminds me of the good old elementary school days when I would feed my friends grass salad. Mm-mmm.

3. Fun
A lot of the clubs at UW are pretty random and obviously based on sincere interest in something (e.g. photography, swing dance, hip hop, ballroom dancing, and I believe I saw some sort of cheese tasting club Yummmmyy...). In high school and elementary school, I don't really remember a club being based on a random interest, except for anime club, but I refuse to count it! I guess since the school's population is smaller there is a lower probability that enough people will have similar interests in the same thing to establish a substantial member base for that club.

IF YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO READ THE WHOLE POST START HERE:

Clubs are important for filling up your resume and developing practical skills for living life. Believe me, if you plan on going anywhere in life, force yourself to join at least one club, and you may even be lucky enough to enjoy it.

I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I die

Apologies to anyone who is having an awesome day or is just plain unsettled by the title of my post. Today just seemed like the perfect day to quote a lyric from one of my favourite songs from elementary punk rock/emo music days.

An intriguing quote that I randomly found on the Internet one day and posted on my fb page was, "Do not mistake happiness for the absence of misery". Somehow I liked it because I'm sort of drawn in by the ever-so-elusive secret to happiness. I wonder if it also works in reverse: Do not mistake misery for the absence of happiness...? If so, today would be a pretty humongous mistake on my part.

That said, how shall I describe today? Well, technically, my day started really early because I didn't sleep until 3 or 4 am--not because I finally made a lifestyle choice to begin partying or because I was having some kind of TV show or Asian drama marathon. Instead, I was coughing my brains out. Lovely, I know. In a wonderfully horrible chain reaction of catastrophe, my body wanted to get its full 10 hours of sleep. Hence, I ended up waking up around 1 pm. Immediately, I went over to my friend John's apartment to borrow his washing machine. That took about 3 hours, and I had to walk back and forth in the cold rain because all of my warm layerable clothes were stashed in my 2 weeks' load of laundry. I even had to take off one of the 4 layers I was wearing because it was dirty--talk about hoboish. -_-"

Anyways, I spent the rest of the day trying to fix up my resume format for jobmine and applying to a bunch of random jobs. Apparently, most people will be applying for 35-40 jobs, and I could only find 17 that I was even only slightly undercapable of. Oh, and if you didn't know, I kind of hate my program, so if I don't get a co-op job, I'm seriously considering switching out of my program into Honours science. On top of that, I'm not doing well in ANY of my courses. None of them are bird courses, and even though I expected most of them to be hard, they are surprisingly exceeding my expectations in difficulty, thus defeating my previously undefeated emotional safeguard. I am gradually falling behind in all of my readings, assignments, and practice questions, and I'm too sick and drugged up to make any considerable progress in a time-efficient manner. Just knowing this stresses me out like hell. To sum things up, life is not going well, but what else is new?

On the bright side, I have become less stingy with the utility bill and have turned on more lamps in my room. Now I can happily clickety clack away on my keyboard because I have finally found something substantial to really COMPLAIN about. :)

Christiemon, I choose you!

Type: Fire
Hp: Undefined
Attack: Excruciating
Defense: Impenetrable
Speed: Light is relatively slow

Weakness: stressed easily and slightly pessimistic

So I am currently trapped in my room writing up answers for practice interview questions in my PD Co-op preparatory course. I figured since I probably won't have time to post very often anymore, why not kill two birds with one stone? So...For the "classic question" I went with:

4. Describe one of your weaknesses.

One of my characteristic weaknesses is that I get stressed easily and am slightly pessimistic. This becomes evident in situations where I have too many tasks in progress at once or I am preparing for a significant event. However, I believe this trait is an essential motivator for some of my most effective work habits. Since I often get worried and overwhelmed by ongoing academic projects or extracurricular events, I motivate myself to tackle one item at a time in an organized fashion by writing down due dates, preparing checklists, and aiming to complete tasks well before the deadline. Often, if something seems too overwhelming, I manage to calm myself down and focus my thoughts better by simplifying concepts, prioritizing my activities, and preparing for the worst case scenario. Not only does my pessimism help me to be technically and emotionally prepared for the various outcomes, but it is also a way to push myself to exceed the standard expectations of any task I undertake.

To date or not to date...

A recent observation that I have made about my friends and peers is that most of them are anxious to get a girl/boyfriend, otherwise they feel like they're not good enough and develop self-esteem issues. By pining over this holy object of affection, it often takes up the better part of each day, and it also takes away from the enjoyment one can obtain by casually spending time with close friends.

NOTE: IF YOU HAVEN'T YET NOTICED FROM MY PREVIOUS POSTS, I AM A HATER, AND I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT'S LYRICS FOR THIS VERY REASON. HER SONGS ARE ALWAYS ABOUT THE GIRL WHO DOESN'T GET THE GUY, AND IT ENCOURAGES HER FANS TO ADOPT THIS RIDICULOUSLY ROMANTICIZED VIEW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE. BE STRONG AND RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO BECOME ANOTHER ONE OF HER BLIND FOLLOWERS!

Now that I got that out of my system...Admittedly, it's really fun to have a flirtacious conversation with the opposite sex or just enjoy being with people who you can be EXTRA friendly with, but does that mean you HAVE to be in a relationship when you can experience the same things being single? Personally, if I had to choose whether I'd rather be single or in a relationship, I would have to say SINGLE. Hmm, now let me try to explain why I feel this way...

To be honest, my whole point is not really about why being single is good, but rather why the alternative is inconvenient. When you're single, you have TONS of freedom. You don't have to worry about: making your sweetie jealous, scheduling your significant other before other things, and you have more control over life decisions that you have to make. My biggest problem with the facebook "In a Relationship" status is that I disapprove of the majority of the modern motivations for dating. This includes being lonely and needing a regular companion, hormonal needs that people are tired of fulfilling themselves, social status (e.g. choosing a hot, smart, or rich partner), dating someone you don't really know yet, or even the classic warm, fuzzy feelings that just aren't strong enough to warrant initiating a serious relationship. Obviously there are more unfortunate reasons why people get involved in relationships, but getting involved with someone for any of these reasons is when the relationship horrifically turns more into a JOB.

People looking for a little fun or quality time from a member of the opposite sex may think what they need is a relationship...you're WRONG! What you are looking for is friends with benefits or just a loyal confidant, NOT a relationship. Even if you manage to establish a wonderful relationship with someone you feel is "the one", it's definitely nothing like the movies make it out to be. After all, the chase and pre-relationship suspense is actually quite anticlimactic, and relationships don't actually turn out to be heaven on earth with a romantic kiss at the end that fades to black. In reality, getting into a relationship is like getting a pet (---NOT that you should treat your partner like a pet! -_-"). It seems all fun and romantic before and at the beginning, but once you've enjoyed it for a while, you begin to learn more about the responsibilities and less pleasant aspects about dating. Sure, there are good moments, but there are also lots of time-consuming bumps and twists in the road. A major example I can think of is fighting. When couples fight, the argument may eventually cease, but the underlying problem often goes unresolved. Just the fact that your adversary is YOUR PARTNER, you both feel obligated to apologize and salvage the relationship as soon as possible just so you can return to that beautiful happy place. Why else do you think there is always something you can tell friends but not your partner? People want to avoid conflict. You read it in novels, see it on the tube--everyone wants to have that picture perfect relationship with their mate and display how happy they are along with their whitewashed fence, little house on the hill, and perfectly united family. Well, this is only part of the crap you'll be putting yourself through from the moment you decide to engage in a serious relationship.

I also disagree with people not wanting to ask out friends that they have known for a while JUST because they "don't want to ruin a friendship". I think this is complete and utter bs, as long as they are not already in a relationship. In my opinion, it's just an excuse for not wanting to embarrass themselves in front of a friend who they already care about. Besides, if they are a sincere, true friend, in the worst case scenario where the relationship turns sour, it shouldn't matter how they reject or break up with you. Things aren't going to be anymore uncomfortable or awkward than if you secretly love them while witnessing them get involved with a stranger who randomly comes into the picture. In fact, if you are close enough friends for these feelings to be true, chances are, they are already aware of your affections. Going back to my opinion about friendship, you can always make a new friend if the old ones are foolish enough to leave you for something so petty.

Having had this single vs. relationship discussion with several troubled friends already, the common argument against my opinion is, "Well, that's easy for you to say because you're already IN a relationship!" I'm not saying that EVERYONE should stay single, but people shouldn't be TRYING to get into a relationship. If you really want a complex thing like love to work out, you should let your relationship develop naturally and really get to know someone before you even THINK about dating them. This will save you a lot of time, effort, and potential heartbreak. Only once your heart--NOT YOUR HORMONES--really tells you that your relationship stands a long-term chance should you make a move. To be honest, I actually encourage "exploring your options", taking time to flirt with and get to know other individuals, making no promises, and just having fun. Relationships are actually tiring, often frustrating, and require a lot of hard work. Bask in the glory of the single life for as long as possible until you find someone who makes it worthwhile to get yourself tangled in the complexities of love and relationships.

Application of Economic Concept: Marginal utility > Marginal cost, otherwise NO PURCHASE!

DISCLAIMER: I am not encouraging playboys, whores, or anything else of the sort...but quite possibly condoning them.

Another reason to stress

2A COURSES + a bit of personal insight about each:

BIOL 130L: Took this course in my 1A term. Hopefully, I do better on the lab, even though I don't even remember stuff that I learned in my 1B term.

AFM 123: Accounting for Managers or something hahaha...hopefully my one easy course.

PHYS 111: basic first year physics that I just managed to fit into my schedule since I changed from Bio specialization to non-specialization--now I can keep dentistry an option. YAYs all around EXCEPT for the fact that I didn't even take grade 11 physics... + LAB...oh god.

CHEM 266: Organic Chemistry. Enough said. + LAB

SCBUS 223: uhh...I hated SCBUSS 122 or SCIBUS 123. Learned close to nothing. Full of presentations and group projects. You never know, this one could be...different...or...maybe...not...

STAT 202: Yeah, so I got a 69 on my first data management test, and I still don't know why I got some of those questions wrong.

It's gonna be a great term.

Summer Dreams Ripped at the Seams

Until last year, I always used to get excited to start school. I felt the summer was boring and lonely because my parents usually sent me and Robert to sports, arts, or music camps...most of the time the kids here are immature and often mean. On other occasions, my parents would send us over to my grandparents' where we would just sit around watching TV all day. It always started fun, but I ended up with a massive headache from my uncontrollable addiction. I always thought, "Summer sucks; I want to go back to school and see my friends..." Now, a little older and wiser, I know better.

Even last year, I was excited to start my first year of university. Not because I was eager to learn, meet new people, or any other cheesy reason--actually, my family was annoying me. My parents were nagging me about the same things over and over, blaming me for things that weren't my fault, and my brother was annoying the hell out of me, even MORE than usual. For me, first year was an escape from my house. In fact, I only went home for commencement, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Reading Week, and after school was over. The few times I phoned home were to ask for a new printer cartridge or for medical advice and supplies when I was majorly sick. Poor grades, getting frustrated with my friends or coworkers, or bad dreams--experiences that I would usually vent to my parents, those kind of conversations I burdened my roommate and a few friends with.

This year, is already starting off totally different. In my entire life, I have never dreaded going to school this badly as I do this year. I don't really know why. I suppose what my friend Amy said about this topic is true, "You know what to expect." University is a tough transition for me because I have to push myself to study and obtain decent grades, eat properly, support myself, and maintain balance in my extracurricular activities all at the same time. All my life, my parents have provided a comfortable, sheltered lifestyle for me, and suddenly I'm being pushed into the middle of the ocean with a tiny rowboat and a pair of oars. You know what sucks the most about all this? This is pretty much what the rest of REAL life is going to be like...survival. Childhood actually isn't a fair thing. It's so innocent, sweet, and protected then it just gets taken away from us in a heartbeat. It's a really poor representation of what life is like, and it leaves us unprepared for the real challenges to come.

I admire my parents' hard work and wonder how they ever got through this? Then I remember, oh yeah, we're a more competitive and spoiled generation. They received sufficient "survival training" from a young age by having to help out more in the kitchen and having to take on whatever job they could find to help support their families.

I don't know how people can be excited for university until they've actually experienced it. In fact, I find it kind of annoying, no offense to all my first year friends. Living in res...Sure it's a great way to meet people, but it still protects us from what living away from home is really like. As my friends and I discovered in frosh week, it feels just like camp. You get up, go to your "activities", do whatever you want whenever you want (often in groups), and walk into the cafeteria where you help yourself to whatever food is on the menu. In reality, university is a life-sized preview of the challenges to come later on in REAL LIFE. Until a person is living entirely on their own hard-earned money and survival skills (e.g. cooking), life hasn't really begun, so don't get too comfortable yet.

School hasn't even started and already I'm stressed about maintaining the house, improving my grades, getting enough exercise, honouring a balanced diet, and landing a co-op job. To accomplish these goals even half-decently, I'm going to require a lot of motivation, time, and talent. On the bright side, being able to appreciate all that my parents have done for me up to this point has enabled me to miss them. I haven't left yet, but I have a feeling I'm going to realize their absence during my studies more significantly than last year. Even if I manage to survive year 2 of hell, I still have to fight my way into whatever decent career I can establish for myself--not to mention all this is to be somehow accomplished on my own?! So much to do and so little confidence.

I'm Breaking the Habit Tonight

If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to cover things that I included in my profile description, so that I can shorten it. Today's topic is habits throughout my growth. WOW do I sound like some kind of lecturer...

Anyone who knows me or has ever seen me in person knows that I have no nails. Sadly, I am the worst nail biter I know--and by worst I mean addicted. I have been able to cut the habit for about three months at a time. During those few months of sweet (but not taken for granted) victory, I put on lots of nail polish and do my fake homemade french manicures. Then the vicious disease comes right back. Not that nails taste good either, but I just can't stop. I bite when I'm nervous, when I'm preoccupied with something else, sometimes I even stop responding on MSN because I can't type with one hand on the keyboard and one hand in my mouth--I bite pretty much whenever I'm not fully engrossed in something or even when I'm TOO engrossed. -_-" Basically whenever, and it's a pretty serious thing I guess, especially when there are serious germs going around (e.g. H1N1 virus). My parents are always nagging me to "take your finger out of your mouth...Now away from your face. blahblahblah..." I don't know if this is part of my extremely mild OCD or what, but whenever I look at my nails, they don't look symmetrical, there's always a little hangnail sticking out, or some other reason to coat my fingers with saliva. Yeah, gross, I know. If you see me with my finger in my mouth, slap my hand then hand me a nail clipper pronto or else it'll just keep going back in.

Like any other human being, I also had weird habits when I was younger. From what my parents tell me, my brother used to run into walls...explains his brilliance---or lack thereof... Anyways, I assume most people had a cherished "blankie". I LOVED my blankie (or at least from what my parents tell me, seeing as how I remember almost nothing from my childhood). Apparently, I LOVED it so much that my parents had to throw it out because I was chewing it up. My mom said I cried when blankie was captured and lost to me forever. At least he's moved onto a better place now.

A few years older (thought not sure about maturer), I began to eat my hair.

Hold on, I wasn't some weird kid who actually DIGESTED my hair, but my side bangs were JUST long enough to reach my mouth. I used to put that in my mouth, and it would get all crusty. Don't ask why I did that; it's probably because my brain had not yet fully formed at such a young age.

Also, I used to lick my lips a lot, and my mouth was always dry, itchy, and swollen. Yeah, I'm a pretty gross human being, I know. My dad ended up bringing home some serious lip cream. No, it wasn't lip balm or any of that amateur stuff; this was LIP CREAM...some ointment that I had to smear on my lips. After a while, my lips sort of went back to normal, but I had all this greasy stuff on my mouth. It didn't even taste that good. :P

Anyways, a common trend that I realized in all my different habits is that I like putting things in/irritating my mouth. Maybe this is somehow related to my love of eating. Who knows why, I'm just a weirdo?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...a Gift?--or a Curse?

One of my favourite shows is Monk. It's about an OCD detective, Adrian Monk, whose condition is a result of the traumatizing death of his beloved wife. He can't stand to shake people's hands, his house is all symmetrically organized and dust-free, he can't stand walking in the mud or getting his clothes dirty, and he wears the same straight-laced shirt and jacket outfit for every day of his life. He is also a former cop and a brilliant detective. Since he has a multitude of phobias and odd habits, he always has an assistant to give him a sanitary wipe whenever he touches something likely infected with bacteria or to do his literally "dirty work". His disorder is so comically severe that he was discharged from his position as a police officer and just works as a "private consultant". At the end of each case, he says "here's what happened..." Pretty epic. :)

The show has, I believe, finished, and my family owns roughly up to the 7th season. Some of the humour is a bit corny, and Adrian Monk probably doesn't win any appreciation from hormonal girls, but I still find the cases to be pretty clever...definitely more thought-inducing than that soap opera-like garbage in the OC (I still have no idea why that was so popular--or House...) Each episode is a mystery where Monk works with his friends in the police department to solve unsolvable cases. This seems to be the obvious common thread with all the detective-y stories: Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, The Mentalist, House, etc. I actually find the Monk cases pretty interesting because it really causes you to think outside of the box. Another element about the show that makes it extra enjoyable is the fact that the show has a modern setting, the story is understandable to the common public, and they present all the clues so it's possible for audiences to ACTUALLY guess the criminal before they're revealed. After watching about 6 seasons of Monk, I find that I'm getting more used to the style and am often able to guess the endings, but the show still has not lost its appeal just yet.

Another interesting thing that the show has brought to my personal attention is that I have a lot of habits that parallel the OCD symptoms.

1. When I'm nervous or kind of spaced out (e.g. during a movie) I tend to type words that I hear. WEIRD, I know!

2. Sometimes when I'm walking up stairs or between sidewalk slabs, I count the number of steps I took and make sure it is an even number.

3. When I'm eating a dish with multiple things in it, I make sure that I have a mix of all the different tastes in my mouth at once. Perhaps this contributes to my somewhat speedy eating speed. I also leave a little bit of my favourite thing to eat last. I guess this habit tends to linger more on the normal end of the spectrum.

4. I generally like symmetry and taking even numbers of things (e.g. adding ice cubes, cooking ingredients even if it's slightly more than what the recipe calls for).

5. Whenever I add skill points to my character in a game (e.g. Mafia Wars), I like to make my levels all even numbers or multiples of 5/10.

Anyways, just wanted to share a little bit more about my strange habits and a bit of info about one of the few shows that I am interested in. If you do decide to check out an episode or something, don't be outraged if you don't take to it for a few episodes. :)

Forget Diamonds, a Girl's Best Friend is her Hair

As I am a girl myself, I would know (please refrain from snarky comments here).

Unfortunately, although I do value how my hair looks, I have neither the knowledge nor the skills to make mine presentable for public eyes most of the time. My "hair care" consists of brushing my hair wildly when I wake up and sticking in a hair band or a few clips. If I miraculously happen to wake up early enough, I'll attempt to capture all the loose strands in a lousy ponytail. Usually my brushing motion is quite aggressive, hence you will find a lot of random hair strands on my floor AND I will probably experience premature baldness in my life. Oh well. Other notable events in my hair's sad lifespan include being dyed at least 4 times: purple, brown, red, and other subtle colours. I don't understand why some Asians ever bother going for blonde--it's just not right. Recently, I also got a perm because I got tired of my boring straight hair. It didn't quite turn out as amazing as Hollywood actresses advertise it as, but thankfully it's not TOO noticeable unless you happen to catch me a few hours right after showering.

In terms of chemical products, I just use Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner (2 in 1). My parents bought me a hair curler for Christmas or my birthday a few years ago, and I've used it about...a maximum of 10 times. Mostly because my hair turned out really puffy or didn't last that long. I don't understand how some girls are willing to wake up hours before school JUST to curl their hair or put moussing/fixative chemical in their hair. I lack the skills and the will power to wake up early enough for that kind of daily commitment. After weighing the costs vs. the benefits, it just doesn't seem worth it, but that's just me.

If I can't do anything about the way I treat my hair, then why am I complaining? I guess I wanted to communicate that a girl's hair plays a huge role in terms of her appearance. Assuming the average girl doesn't have an unnaturally oversized chest or derriere, most of the public's attention will be drawn to her lovely face and the more subtle but largely influential hair framing it. You can't deny that hair plays a vital role in the appearance of males as well as females. After all, why would we bother having specialized men's, women's, and children's hair salons if we thought a simple basement trim by our parents would suffice? Actually, my parents used to do that---but don't worry, they're just Asian like that. If you have ever seen pictures of my hair when I was younger, you would have a better idea about the horror I am referring to in my prior claim (*ahem mushroom).

Back on topic...just adding highlights, streaks of colour, a few curls, or even bangs can make a huge difference in a girl's appearance, depending on whether they're going for a cute, classy, mature, professional, creative, wild, etc...image. Just think of all your friends that wear subtle, neutral clothes that you hardly notice. When they get their hair done for semi or something they look totally different. That's partly what makes these events so fun. :) Other special occasions that may call for a specific hairstyle include school socials (e.g. prom, dances), job interview, party, or simply daily wear. Since I am still in the process of getting more in touch with my double X chromosomes, I cannot really explain the entire mystery of feminine hair to the guys (in fact, I still don't undertsand why girls with straight hair envy curly hair and girls with curly hair envy straight hair, myself included). However, let me tell you that you can never lose by complimenting a girl on her hair. More effort goes into it than you would expect.

These Shoes Were Made For Walking

As part of my ongoing process of becoming girlier, I have developed a plaguing shoe fetish over the past couple years. Whenever I walk into a shoe store or a thrift/bargin store, I always make sure to take at least a quick glance at their shoe section. Prior to becoming more materialistic about shopping, especially for shoes, I used to think it was ridiculous for women to be obsessed with shoes. I was only used to buying the cheapest running shoes but still from quality stores like Sportcheck or National Sports. Occasionally, I would buy a pair of those boring but funtional sandals with all the velcro strapping. Only recently did I finally find a pair of thong flipflops that were comfortable. Btw, a lot of flipflops are pretty uncomfortable and unsuitable for walking around a lot. I found a nice pair at the Square One Nike store. Btw, my mom also used to make me buy a pair of dress shoes for concerts and whatever...not really exciting for me. Anyways, shoes smell bad and nobody really sees your feet--at least that was my opinion back when I was young and naive.

I don't really know when my shoe fetish started, but I have gradually started paying more attention to how shoes looked as well as to how they felt. My mom always insisted that comfort is #1 in shoes, but now I know better ;), just kidding. My favourite shoes to shop for are flipflops, flats, boots, and heels. However, seeing as how I still have some inkling of realism in me, I rarely buy heels for myself. Sure there's the rare excuse of a special school or family event (e.g. prom), but otherwise heels are pretty impractical. Still, you can't blame them for being awesome in terms of their visual appeal, added height, and satisfying clacking sounds on cold floor tiling. My favourite heels are peep toes, as inspired by my dear cousin. Speaking of the audio appeal of shoes, I believe women enjoy their shoes making sounds as they walk, as if it's announcing their approach. This isn't just true for heels but also flipflops. Ladies like flipflops over those strapped in sandals because it's easier to put on, there is less stuff covering your sweating feet, and, most importantly, it "flips" and "flops". I myself have experienced and come to understand the value of this wondrously satisfying sound. Lately, I've been the most obsessed with flats because they're so cute looking, easy to put on, and the most practical out of the stylish shoe types. I currently own 5 pairs of flats; I believe I have been quite successful in restraining my materialistic desires. Lastly, boots are just plain awesome. They're so useful in the winter for hiking around in deep layers of snow. Besides, it makes walking to winter classes so much more fun if your pants aren't damp against your bare skin. -_-" Why not make it slightly more aesthetically appealing than your average boots?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my budding love for shoes in this light post. Don't take my "materialism" too seriously because I still have a brain somewhere in my head and I'm not COMPLETELY obsessed with shoes. Just because you buy prettier shoes, it doesn't mean you have to spend a LOT more money. Go to any outlet mall or mini shopping plaza; there is bound to be a shoe store around with a bunch of great bargain opportunities!

Are you afraid of the dark?

Personally, I'm not that afraid of the dark. Of course it depends on what kind of sounds are going on in the background and where I am, but generally I am not. Usually people are afraid of the dark because of the crazy ideas that movies put into our heads or simply our own imaginations. We need to separate real life from the cinema. Of course, sometimes it's just fun to pretend to be scared or to scream with your friends, but I am generally fearless in the dark--just a bit blind. However, there are several things that I am afraid of:

1. Touching slimy animals or certain insects. I don't have a problem with killing flies or mosquitoes in my hands (or with kleenexes) or sweeping spiders to the outdoors, but I definitely won't volunteer to pet a spider, bait a worm, or touch any other slimy creature. The only insect I don't mind touching are ladybugs cuz they're just so pretty and...lady-like? I suppose this fear has also affected my second fear.

2. The ocean and its wildlife. Not only are these creatures slimy, but in grade 5, we studied a lot of sea creatures in moderate detail. Almost everything has some sharp, electrical, slimy, poisonous defense, so I refuse to go snorkeling or venture into ocean waters deeper than 1/4 my height. Even when I've gone swimming in the lake water at my cottage and floating seaweed brushes against me, I get freaked out. To protect myself from any native wildlife, I try to move my legs around a lot so they know to stay away from me.

3. Heights. Pretty common, so there's not much to be said about this one. Basically it has prevented me from volunteering to participate in things such as rock climbing, diving, going on amusement park rides, or even thinking of even attempting any of those extreme sports like bungee jumping, sky diving, parachuting, etc.

4. Public humiliation. The way I see it, almost everyone has this fear; people just protect themselves from it in different ways. To make my point more easily, I'll default to the high school sterotypes: Basically, the popular kids declare themselves as such; giving themselves immunity against all jokes redirected at them. They also have the power of numbers. I suspect this is also why people establish BFFs...in the case that everything happens to go wrong, they can just go to this one person and pretend not to care what the rest of the world thinks. The only flaw with this concept is that often in these popular circles, the "bff" often turns out to be the big backstabber.

The rebellious "weird" kids are pretty similar to the popular group. The only difference is that the justification for their actions is to counteract the damage done by the popular group. Their life purpose is to do or say weird things just to prove that an opposite extreme exists. Most members of this group pride themselves on being hyperactive/crazy and showing everyone that they are having the most fun acting that way.

Lastly, there are the middleground nobodies who'd rather be invisible. I'd like to include myself in this group because I can identify directly with what I believe is their underlying rationale. Motto: Don't do anything outstanding and nothing about you will stand out for people to make fun of.

Whether you can identify with any of these stereotypical groups or not, my point was that everyone has put up their own form of defense against public humiliation. After all, who sincerely wants to be the big joke shared around the table or the latest hot topic for gossip?

5. Failure.
To tell you the truth, failure itself is not my true fear, but rather the side-effects of failure. My biggest fear is disappointing people. You're probably thinking, "Well yeah, you're an Asian with strict Asian parents; Of course you're scared of getting the bamboo stick!" No, it's actually not like that at all. Before my big transformation from being a passive student who just went to school everyday like camp to a dedicated student who realized the importance of grades, my mom yelled at me a lot to do my homework and improve my studies. At the time, I thought yelling was just one of those mom jobs, but then I realized she cared about my success. To be honest, I don't really care about my own success, but I am motivated in all that I do to fulfill the expectations of my family, my friends, coworkers, etc. If I disappointed them, I would feel that I am not making it worth their while to take care of me, befriend me, or even care that I exist. As a result, I crack easily under pressure because all I can think about is the worst case scenario of all-around disappointment. I also prefer to be underestimated or have people expect nothing of me and be pleasantly surprised.


OVERALL, I'd like to think I'm braver than the average girl. I'm not afraid of germs, getting dirty, killing bugs, breaking a nail, or having bad hair days. But really, I can't claim I'm any better than a soft girly girl because they handle basic things like high-pressure situations or swimming in the ocean way better than I could ever hope to.

People often say you should work on getting over your fears by facing them instead of running away. I partially disagree because fears are not always irrational. Often there are morals or prior experience behind these rationalizations that other people may not understand. Taking the example of rollercoasters, I don't like riding them because the heights and upside-down manoeuvers are not one of my preferred methods of dying. My fear of rollercoasters is still plausible because there have been a lot of amusement park accidents...the fact that I am afraid shows that I weight the risk involved in this activity more than others.

People's fears are like personal values or characteristics that define who they are. Instead of forcing people to face their fears, I think one should just be there to support and help them through it whenever they ask for it and, more importantly, when they're not smart enough to ask for it.

My Koreanization Progress

As promised, this post is pretty much dedicated to my beloved ex-roomie Myunnie. ^-^

I was born in Canada, and my parents spoke English around me as I was growing up. Naturally, that became the ONE language I could speak fluently. From first glance/impression, most people assume I'm Chinese, even other Koreans. It's a little sad, especially when I have to tell them I'm Korean but I have no proof other than the fact that I have kimchi in my fridge. In fact, my last name is the name of one of the first Chinese dynasties.

As stated in my profile description, I am pretty much the fakest Korean possible. I can't speak or understand it, and I can read the characters and sounds but not understand what it means. Pretty useful huh? At least I could read a Korean book to a blind Korean person...-_-" I have also never visited Korea--or any Asian country for that matter. My parents tried sending me to Saturday Korean school around grade 3 or something. Unfortunately, the other kids knew how to communicate in Korean pretty fluently already, so it was just to maintain their cultural connection and fluency. It wasn't really useful for people with zero Korean fluency like myself. In fact, there were some pretty scarring moments where we had to go up in front of the class and introduce ourselves in Korean. I pretty much said something really fast in English then sat down crying at my desk. Luckily, my mom let me quit by the end of grade 6. Good memories...-_-" Any of the reading/writing I currently know was taught at home by my grandma.

Another sad thing about not knowing Korean is that I can hardly communicate with my grandparents. Sure, I can understand basic things such as "eat lots" or "sit here", and they know bits of English, but that hardly constitutes a deep conversation. As far as I know, my family is almost entirely Korean. The only non-Korean I know of is the aunt that my uncle married. She is a happy, blonde German lady. In fact, they're having a baby in October, which I'm pretty excited about--I love children...in a non-pedophilic way.

I don't really know much about the Korean culture or language at all, except for some food dishes that are homemade or offered at restaurants. My Chinese friends seem to know more about the overall culture, especially since Korean music and media are pretty popular to people of the other Asian cultures (e.g. Big Bang, Wonder girls, after school, kkotboda namja, coffee prince, etc). For example, Myunnie taught me that Koreans have a plastic surgery fund saved up by their parents. When they reach a certain age, they can choose to either use it to alter their appearance or buy clothes for themselves. Apparently, a small face is also considered a standard of beauty in the Korean culture. I have no idea why...doesn't this also reduce the amount of space for (Asian-envied) big eyes to fit on one's head?

Anyways, thanks to my roomie, I got a chance to get a bit more in touch with my cultural roots simply by listening more to the music and experiencing the infamously addictive Korean dramas. We used to eagerly await the release of the latest BOF episode every Monday and Tuesday night. I pretty much gave up trying to get any work done on such distracting days of the week. Depending on our class schedules, we would race each other to watch the episode first, which I usually ended up winning (except when I had scibus group project meetings). There were also times where we both promised to wait for the other person's major summatives or projects to be finished before we watched an episode together. Good memories :) Admittedly, the season finale was kind of disappointing, but the real life memories that BOF brought me in residence will be cherished forever.

Even after the BOF craze, Myunnie convinced me to watch "My Name is Kim Sam Soon". Entertaining drama about a middle-aged, chubby baker who hopelessly pursues the restaurant owner. I couldn't help but to pull an all-nighter for that series and watch it all within...36 hours maybe? It's quite amazing how people can become such huge fans of Korean celebrities that they start to pick up literacy for the linguistic characters and understand small expressional phrases. Unfortunately for me, it means some of my Chinese friends know more Korean than I do, and they end up being the ones teaching me.

Sometimes it's convenient for me to include myself in the Korean culture, so I can reap the food benefits, distinguish myself from the large Chinese population, and carry on a fake Chinese-Korean rivalry with my friends. However, I am actually content to remain distant from my cultural roots and claim myself as a guiltless CBK.

Wake me up when September ends--actually make that December please.

Like the typical teenager, I hate going to bed but once I'm there, I don't like getting up. For anyone who has lived with me or had a sleepover with me, you're probably already familiar with my unresponsiveness to futile wakeup techniques, such as: yelling in my face, people jumping on me, my blanket being taken away, and a blaring radio alarm. I'm not even sure throwing water on my face works, but please don't try it.

On a typical holiday/summer vacation morning, I normally wake up around 10. School days, I aim more for 8, which often fails. Seeing as how school has usually started at 8:30 for the most part of my life, I have gotten used to skipping breakfast, showering in the evening instead of the morning, randomly choosing my daily outfits at the last minute, and brushing my hair once before running out the door. Oh yeah and brushing teeth. A disgusting fact about when I brush teeth: if I eat right before brushing teeth and my stomach isn't totally settled, to keep from swallowing the toothpaste lather, I gag and often throw up my breakfast. Yeah, I know you didn't need to know that, but I figure it's something interestingly unique about myself.

When I sleep, I'm not really picky about the surrounding conditions. Meaning, I can tolerate lights on and even a TV on or people chatting in the background. A few things I DO need are something to hug (e.g. stuffed animal or even a pillow) and I cannot sleep with a quieter buzzing sound in the background (e.g. a radio playing on low). That's kind of weird because I can sleep with louder noises, but not the quiet ones.

In terms of my dreams, I have a lot of bad dreams, rarely a good one. I suppose this has something to do with me being a worrywart and a pessimist. However, my inner love for Charmed and magic from all the fantasy books/movies out there has instilled itself into my subconscious because I often have powers to fight off the bad people who are chasing me in my dreams.

This one recurring dream I have is about me running away from my house because these bad people raided my house to find me. Luckily, my family wasn't there for some reason. Oh and this dream happens at my old house for some reason (in fact I've never had a dream with my current house)...anyway, I have to run through my neighbourhood then I get to an urban area with lots of high buildings. The people chasing me have guns. But if the people in movies never get shot, then why should I? Well basically, the dream continues with me running through lots of buildings, and people are looking at me weirdly because if I run really fast, I can actually start flying, so that's my awesome power in this dream. Well yeah, basically the whole dream is me running away from people with guns, and they tend to fall behind for a bit then catch up. I doubt it sounds half as scary as it actually is.

Another example of a recurring dream is where I'm staying in a hotel with a bunch of other kids (maybe from soccer, maybe from school, I dunno) and some madman with a rifle starts shooting everyone. I manage to survive by falling on the ground beside some dead bodies and pretending to be dead then I stealthily go after him with one of the guns he dropped. Unfortunately, I discover too late that he doesn't die, and yeah those situations are really scary (probably inspired by movies). Other scary dreams involve bad guys that only die a certain way, which is also Dracula/Charmed-inspired because they have to kill some demons in a certain way. Yeah, my dreams are pretty crazy...ALTHOUGH

I have been able to escape from some dreams where I'm just about to die. In fact, my friend Randall was quite obsessed with this concept of "lucid dreaming" for quite some time. Basically, it's where you are able to realize in your dream that you are in a dream and control how it plays out. For me, I was able to tell myself to wake up and escape from the nightmare unharmed. Another situation is where I was able to realize that I was in a dream and that the bad guys couldn't hurt me. Interesting huh?

I'm not sure how common sleepwalking is, but apparently I used to do that when I was younger. I would go into my parents' room and say something to my mom, who is a light sleeper, and head right back to bed. She would ask me about it in the morning, and I wouldn't have a clue what she was talking about.

Another strange fact about my sleeping habits is that when I'm tired, I tend to get really hyper. I suppose I act in a similar manner to how I would act if I was drunk. I've never gotten drunk before, so this supposition remains unverified.

I have experienced a lot of interesting things about sleep, and I wouldn't mind hearing your stories as well. :) (For the boys) just keep it dry...-_-"

Food Food Food Makes My World Go 'Round

Food is a daily necessity, essential to human survival. For me, I'd say it's more of a hobby. I love food.

My favourite ethnic food cultures are Korean, Chinese, Greek, Italian, Thai, Indian, and Canadian (eh?). My mom usually cooks Korean or Canadian food and brings home all kinds of tasty meats from the Chinese grocery stores Yuan Ming and T&T. My family also eats out at a lot of Chinese and Korean restaurants. I also love eating out.

I pretty much covered all of the major Asian foods except for Japanese. Well, personally, I find that Japanese food is skimpy and more for the presentation than the taste. They also come in those tiny little bento boxes, which rarely fill me up. Then again, after eating Japanese food, I kind of lose my appetite anyway.

Whenever I have to order fast food at one of those food courts, I will likely order from a Greek place. If you haven't tried it, you MUST try the gyros (pronounced year-ohs). It's my favourite Greek item. In fact, the shawarma is similar to that-not sure what culture that is from. I suppose my love for Greek food has also tricked me into loving olives and tzatziki sauce. At Greek restaurants, I also like to order the spanakopita just because they yell opa when they light it on fire. I suppose this perk is inspired by one of my favourite movies "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".

Also, my family used to eat at a lot of Italian restaurants. We kind of stopped now because my dad has a sensitive stomach to all the garlic they add to their dishes. This is probably responsible for sparking my love of pasta. I used to always order pastas whenever I went to Italian/Caucasian restaurants. I prefer the pastas with a bit of meat, a nice wine sauce, and some flavourful garnishes such as olives or capers. :) However, I have more recently tried to expand my horizons and order the sandwiches or meat dishes.

In terms of Thai and Indian food, my family doesn't really eat at these kinds of places too often. This is mainly because my dad has a really sensitive stomach, something which I have unfortunately inherited. These cultures tend to use a lot of spices and different flavourings in their food that my family is not used to, so it upsets our digestion. Still, I eat Indian food with my friends or other occasions with extended family whenever I can because it just tastes so good. A little stomachache or diarrhea?...I'll tough it out as long as the food is good.

OH, and I am most definitely a MEAT LOVER. I cannot even explain how important meat is in my life. Let me put it this way, I am the vegetarian's nemesis, and I don't understand how they survive. Basically, I assume they are one of those picky eaters who doesn't eat much. Plus, it's so difficult to eat with vegetarians whenever you go to a restaurant, since there are so many different degrees of vegetarianism: vegan, "I can eat seafood", "I don't eat seafood", etc.

Religious reasons, I can understand, but just random vegetarianism, I find it plain ridiculous. People can choose to eat the vegetables in whatever meat dish the non-veggies order--in fact, that's what my mom does. She's not a big meat fan, and she loves vegetables, basically a health nut. Besides, I know you vegetarians are secretly eyeing and want to have the meats we're having!! Why not just make the more practical lifestyle choice of reducing the amount of meat you have in your diet instead of cutting it out altogether? That way you can eat what you want, and you will probably have a healthier and more balanced diet than us tragically flawed meat lovers. Anyway, I pretty much need a good portion of meat in everything I eat, otherwise those better be some darn good veggies!

I understand that the healthiest lifestyle consists of a solid breakfast, a heavy lunch, and a light supper. Me, I choose my own lifestyle. In terms of mealtimes, my favourite meal is dinner. I see lunchtime as more of a midday snack. The typical lunch meal consists of soup and sandwiches, maybe complemented by some veggie sticks and dip. Speaking of this menu, YOU MUST VISIT PANERA AND ORDER THE SOUP IN A BREAD BOWL IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. Awesome food, comforting atmosphere, highly recommended. :)

Anyway, I usually skip breakfast. This habit stems from my inability to wake up at a decent hour in the morning--again, a topic for another post. Besides, the rare times I do wake up early in the morning, the breakfast menu rarely interests me. In elementary school, my mom used to leave the house really early, so my dad would cook us breakfast. He made us "egg and rice" pretty much every single day for about...8 years? It was basically egg, rice, soya sauce, and sesame oil mixed together. It tasted really good, but after the same thing for 8 years in a row, I'm sure you can understand why I'm not that much of an egg fan anymore. Furthermore, I'm not a big fan of fruits or the grain foods like cereal, toast, bagels, or any of those weird muffin things. I don't care if it's a fruit explosion muffin! I DON'T WANT IT! Since my family doesn't have cable, we tend to watch a lot of movies, late at night. I usually get a nice pop and chips mini-meal in around this time. :)

In terms of my taste buds, I like spicy and savoury foods (meaning salt). Somehow I thought that all Asians were expected to eat spicy, but apparently Koreans have a spicier reputation than most. I at least know that non-Asians find Kimchi pretty spicy, whereas, I could just eat it by itself like chips (if I was hungry enough to have a meal that boring). Also, a lot of our chigaes (stews) are pretty red looking, although it may not be as spicy at it looks. Still, if you find kimchi spicy, you will definitely have a hard time with those.

My least favourite taste is sweet. I find those sweet n' sour dishes kind of weird, but sometimes tolerable because it at least has meat in it. One exception to this rule is that I really don't mind the sweet and sour soup at all. Oh and for those who didn't know, I don't really like chocolate that much. I'll admit I have a few sugary favourites: twix, turkish delight, and white chocolate, but those don't count cuz they're too good! Other than that, I don't really like chocolate, and I'd choose chips even over those chocolates any day.

Another characteristic of my food preferences is that I'm pretty cheap to feed. I'm not that much of a steak and sausage fan, but I love dumplings! You can get 5 packs at the Yuan Ming Supermarket for $10. At the Korean grocery, you can get one of those big packages of chicken dumplings for hmm...around 3 bucks I think. In fact, my Korean elementary school friends used to nickname me mandu (Korean for dumpling) because I brought it to school everyday and shared with them. Good times :) Also, I don't like seafood or other strange delicacies like chicken feet, which my boyfriend has attempted to forcefeed me on multiple occasions (luckily his mom was there to save me). I assume that seafood and steak are probably the most expensive things to buy, at least in Canada. If you ever want to keep me as a pet, I will be happy with cheap dumplings, Korean appetizers, or Greek gyros pitas!

Anyways, that's all I will write about my love of food for now. I hope you have increased your appreciation for all the variety of food that is available to us here in Canada just by reading this post. Here, we have so many options: homecooked meals, restaurants, fast food, different cultures of food, etc. I could never imagine living in a developing country where there are only two options: take it or leave it.

All the things I could do, If I had a little money...

OH MY GOODNESS! I haven't written for 6 days!


Well whatever, I think some people are glad about this...all the people that hate my opinions are probably thinking, "Thank goodness that witch finally stopped witching." Then again, it doesn't really matter because those people have probably stopped reading by now. Well, for my more agreeable readers, this post is going to be a personal confession of my sins over the past couple days...


All summer I did nothing but my online course and work part-time at BR--that is, until Wednesday, August 12, 2009, at 7 am. Unfortunately, that is the ungodly hour that my mother decided to wake me up and drive me to Katie's house. That is where we met up with Katie's family and my Auntie Jin to set out on our two-day adventure:

Speed Shopping in Grove City, Pennsylvania.

For anyone who even CLAIMS to know me, I hate shopping. Sure, say that I'm a lesbian or that I'm an extraterrestrial, but that's not going to change the fact that I get headaches just from walking through Square One for a couple hours. Also, I don't like spending money--that is, until two days ago...

It was about a 4 hour car drive to our destination. Translation: 4 hours of blissful napping and crazy iPod dancing/singing with Katie :) For those of you who have never been to Grove City, might I say you are deprived?

Just kidding...for anyone who hasn't really gone shopping in the States, the biggest issue is passing through customs. On the way there, they ask the driver where everyone's from, how long you're staying in the States, and what you're planning to do there. Since Katie's family is experienced with shopping down south, they had a whole story prepared: We were visiting my great uncle for his 70th birthday in Grove City. My aunt even printed out a mapquest address of the first Lee name that popped up in Grove City...talk about pro-scamming. On the way out of the States, there is a $50 spending limit per person. Me, my mom, Katie's mom, Katie, Thomas, and my other aunt = $300 bucks. Let me tell you now, that is how much I, alone, spent by the end of our two-day trip.

Basically, there are 6 "rows" with two lines of stores in each row. We pretty much covered all 12 lines of stores...awesome, we are. I bought clothes from Old Navy, Banana Republic, Reebok, Gap, Aeropostale, Guess, and Jockey. I also bought a new girly, long wallet from New York & Co. for 11 bucks. I hope I got a good deal, but whatever, I'm happy with it. Other stores we visited: American Eagle, Calvin Klein, Izod, Ralph Lauren, Oakley's, Juicy Couture, Timberland, Payless Shoe Source (some pairs were $5!!), Nine West, and MORE!

Between our two days of blissful materialism, we stayed at a Comfort Inn right across from the mall--literally a traffic light apart. We ate at a typical Caucasian restaurant called Rachel's Roadhouse. The food was mediocre, but the service and atmosphere were very accommodating. The evening was pleasantly spent sipping hot chocolate and tea, clipping off our tags (so we could pass through customs), lounging around from exhaustion, and making small talk ("What was your favourite purchase today?"). It was one of those nice family moments you would see in a movie or read in a book. I also stayed up pretty late watching Mamma Mia and Sex and the City. I even saw 3 episodes of Charmed in the morning! Surprisingly I also had an appetite for breakfast--this food topic is to be continued in another post. It appealed to me, mainly because they offered free unlimited bacon, eggs, toast, yummy-looking jams, and decaf coffee. Overall, it was a very pleasant hotel stay.

To tell you the truth, I wrote up a whole spiel for this post while my Internet was disconnected, while this was opened in draft form. Somehow I pressed some button that switched the page, and I lost everything, so I have lost the willpower to fancify my writing or anything. Just thought I'd put that out there as a side note.

Self-analysis time: Previous to this trip, I had only been to Grove City once. This was on our way back from a Caribbean cruise which took off in Florida. We had about 2 hours to shop, so we were running around like crazy, and I'm pretty sure we didn't even cover a row. :(

Katie's family members are all seasoned shoppers, so they know how to spend their money on good things. My mom and I sort of went crazy because we weren't used to seeing so many good bargains (apparently, the bargains are usually EVEN BETTER!). In total, we spent $700 American on our family. I spent $300 of that, while my mom spent the rest on herself, my dad, and Roberto. No need to lecture me, I already feel bad enough. In fact, I spent $190 after the first day, so I decided to slow it down and give myself timeouts on the front benches of some stores. No kidding.

My mom has always told me, "Spend your money on a few expensive things that you'll wear all the time." Do I listen? I just can't seem to resist buying those sale items in huge quantities. It just feels a lot better than buying a single shirt or pair of pants that are of a high quality designer brand. Maybe that's just me. But anyways, I've always prided myself on being a thrifty spender, especially since most of that dough comes straight from my parents' wallets --yeah I know, I'm not only sheltered, but I'm also spoiled. You hate me, I get it. That's okay, I feel the same way. I guess this sort of makes me feel obligated to minimize the trouble that I cause my parents, especially to balance out my younger male counterpart. *AHEM

The surprising thing is, even though I spent a lot of money, I still feel kind of good about it because I could afford to go for higher quality designer items but at similar prices to the things I usually get. I can't really complain about shopping now that I have enjoyed the full GROVE CITY EXPERIENCE. Nor can I claim that I hate shopping altogether. Perhaps, my Square One-induced headaches truly stem from my dislike of crowded places. Also, my disdain for shopping and trying on clothes comes from the impatience of waiting in changeroom lineups, seeing girls wearing clothes that are not even close to being age-appropriate (I did not have the misfortune of experiencing any of this in Grove City), and the fact that things are priced far above my marginal utility (hehe. Econ term, look it up). Translation: I don't like spending money on things that I don't think are worth the price tag. Perhaps, Katie's mom was right in saying that Canadian merchandise would be way more appealing if it wasn't for tax. After all, that definitely factored in when I purchased things at Grove City.

For the thrifty, cheapo shoppers out there like me, Grove City is the place for you. My only tips are to pack really light but carry a huge suitcase and cut off all the tags so you can escape through customs duty-free.

NOTE: Something interesting my aunt said about customs was, "When you're coming into the States, they're worried about terrorism; when you're leaving it, they're worried about duty."

When passing through the American customs, they ask all these questions like where you're from, where you're going, for how long, and if you have anything to "declare". They were pretty tight on security.

When passing through the Canadian customs, they were much more lax on their interrogation. They asked where we were from, and what we did in the States. When my mom said we went shopping, they were obligated to ask how much we spent (recall the $50/person limit) and my mom said $300 exactly. The guy obviously knew we were lying, but we Canadians are so much more lax and good-natured, the guy just let us through. Yay for being a nice Canadian.

I gotta' feeling tonight's gonna be a great night...

Wahoo, I'm finally done my exam! It turned out okay. About two other people were doing the same exam as me. A bunch of older people were there for psychology, english, french, social work, and calculus 1. I also got to check out the Sheridan College campus, kind of depressing like Waterloo. But anyways, I'm not a landscape person at all, so I'm just being unnecessarily judgemental.

This morning I woke up at 9 miraculously, and I tried to study, but I just started feeling sick from my overwhelming nervousness. Even after a 2 hour nap, I still had a major headache and almost barfed. My usual symptoms were expectantly cured as soon as I started writing my exam. There's something about studying hard for a test and spilling out all of your brains on a piece of paper. It just feels so good!

Well, tonight, my parents and I are going to eat at a Chinese restaurant for dinner, and my mom is going to watch House with me, in a few minutes. :) The best part about all this is that my brother is at his friends' house for the entire weekend. Anyways, just wanted to share some of my joy, since most of my posts are depressing and negative.

Don't worry, be happy!

Nothing More to Say, No More Ace to Play

That, my friends, is a line from Mamma Mia. I believe it's from Knowing Me, Knowing You.

I don't really know when it started, but I'll just blame it on Katie...I love musicals :) I've seen a lot of them live in Toronto, and I've seen a few in movies. For me, the people involved in the actual presentation of these productions are like the Renaissance people of music, meaning they are painstakingly talented. Admittedly, I'm jealous. Imagine if you had the opportunity to sing, dance, and act all day, my jealousy is understandable right? Unfortunately, showbiz is unarguably one of those things where you need both talent and connections, neither of which I have :( Don't worry I'm the realistic one, and I never considered that as a potential career path, but what's stopping me from admiring from afar?

Pretty much all the musicals I've seen live were thanks to Katie. What can I say, she makes my life worth living. This humble list includes: Mamma Mia, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, and Cats. I enjoyed every single one. Oh and I also like the costumes and makeup. There's just something about going to a musical in a big theatre. It makes me feel really special, possibly because I feel like those old fashioned women in a Jane Austen society going out to a high class opera or something. In fact, the tickets are pretty expensive. Other musicals that I've watched as a movie include: Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, The Producers, Grease, Dirty Dancing, Rent, and The Sound of Music.

Speaking of music, I have been told it's difficult to diagnose my music taste. You never really know if I'll like a song until I hear it. Of course the beat and actual music are important, but the lyrics also make/break a song for me. To be honest, although it's not like I ever lie on my blog, I'm kind of tired of all the mushy love songs, and I don't like rap because it's full of profanity, sexual content, and basically unnecessary drama (e.g. money, relationships, affairs, women, etc.). Another zone I avoid is country music because it feels too "stringy" and hmm...well old fashioned. I'd rather listen to actual old fashioned music like Carlie Simon or Don McLean if I was ever in that kind of mood. Techno is a rather grey area, as I can have any reaction ranging from being obsessed with a single song or getting a headache. It can be overly repetitive, but it's really "danceable" music, hehe. Too bad I'm not that big of a dancer. Rock. This musical genre holds great memories from my elementary school days. It was the only music I would ever listen to. I suspect this is mainly because the radical, rebellious lyrical content of the majority of songs appealed to a rough maturation phase I was experiencing at the time. My childhood rebellion days are a story for another time. ;)

As you probably predicted, I pretty much completely avoid metal or any other form of hardcore music...including all that Satanic stuff (e.g. Marilyn Manson). Just not my thing. R&B probably started appealing to me in grade...10? Sometime around the time when I drove down to the States with Katie's family, and we played the same songs over and over on her iPod. You could say, I acquired the taste and opened up to more songs of that genre. One of the early appealing characteristics of that music was that many songs had funny, entertaining lyrics that I never thought someone would write a song about. Sure I'd heard of the Milkshake song, but the songs that pulled me in were "My Humps", "Beep", "Touch my Body", etc. Btw, if I am confusing songs with genres, I am sorry. I just kind of mix everything I like into the "Christie genre" because I like songs randomly out of the blue. Eventually, I was able to appreciate some of the more normally lyricized songs for other reasons.

Most recently, I have been tragically drawn into kPop. My first year university roommate was a proud Chinese girl from my high school. Btw, I had no problems living with her, and I have a feeling she cannot say the same for me...again, other stories, which I hope never to divulge. Well yeah, she knew I was pretty out of touch with my cultural roots, so she, my other friend Sandra, John, and Ryan all kind of tried to "Azn-ize" me. Sadly, I have to admit it worked. Now I have Rain, Jewelry, Namolla Family, Lee Hyori, Wonder Girls, 2NE1 (NOT LOLLIPOP) + more permanently living in my iPod playlist. Too bad it's busted; yeah the buttons stopped working, so I have to listen to the iPod in order, all the way through from the beginning. Yeah, I know, life sucks, especially since all my Korean music is at the end of the list. You're right, I can't understand it, but I like the music and overall attitude of Korean music.

Btw, all the music I like is not based on bands or whatever. People have their ups and downs, so I just randomly like songs that I've heard or have had recommended to me. I don't really understand why people develop loyalty to certain bands. It kind of puts pressure on them to overproduce songs, and the quality just goes downhill from there. Also, I do not care much about their statistics or current love life status. I'm just interested in their music.

Well yeah, exam in...4 hours. Hopefully my mom knows how to get there. Oh and I just realized that on this "exam outline" thing my prof sent out, he recommends studying lectures, course notes, and the textbook. I have studied the lectures, the textbook, and my own notes (which I just wrote up from the lectures). It would be hilarious if my life got screwed up because I didn't buy the full version of some random course notes. Pray for me...4 hours...