If I haven't already told you about it, my school is having a lot of administrative problems that are making this difficult school year unnecessarily more difficult. I'd rather not go into the details because it's a complex problem that doesn't really make sense unless you're familiar with the typical goings-on of a dentistry program. Also, I've exhausted the topic by ranting it about it already to a select few unfortunate individuals. Anyway, the bottom line of all these issues is that I haven't been doing well on the assessments so far. I'm not talking about the "oh no I didn't get a 90" standard--I actually haven't been achieving the passing grade of 60 on almost every single practical/quiz/project that we've had so far this year. This frustrating situation has come about from a combination of: administrative problems with my school, lack of motivation/dedication, fatigue from a strenuous school schedule, and MOST IMPORTANTLY insufficient practice time to develop my skills and figure out hands-on things by getting my hands on things (you'd think this would be a given but it isn't).
Anyway, this situation has been going on since the beginning of the school year. Today my mental/emotional state kind of decided it had reached its limit, and I broke down. Yes, that was my embarrassing moment of the day. After an unproductive drilling practice session (mind you, after a 12 hour school day spanning 8am-8pm), I guess I reached the last straw. As I waited for my roommate in the locker room, I reflected on how things were going (biiiig mistake), and I could kind of feel tears coming up so I left the locker room to sit somewhere more isolated. Unfortunately, this "isolated" area ended up being a popular exit for many of my classmates, and that's where the tears actually started to come out. I awkwardly tried to hide my face and play with the only thing I had on me (a hairclip), but some people saw me. I tried to brush it off because I didn't want to talk about it, and I got out of there as soon as I could. It was super embarrassing because I don't really like friends or acquaintances to see me cry. The worst part was that I felt silly crying over a situation that every single one of my other classmates were also dealing with, but I just couldn't stop.
When I eventually got home, I was still super embarrassed and took a little while to calm down. My roommate was super nice and gave me cut fruits, offered to cook food for me, and basically said she was there to talk whenever I needed it. I feel very thankful that I have her, but I also feel ridiculous about the whole situation. I know it's normal to cry once in a while, but I'd rather it didn't happen in front of so many of my classmates. Estrogen op.
