Summer Dreams Ripped at the Seams

Until last year, I always used to get excited to start school. I felt the summer was boring and lonely because my parents usually sent me and Robert to sports, arts, or music camps...most of the time the kids here are immature and often mean. On other occasions, my parents would send us over to my grandparents' where we would just sit around watching TV all day. It always started fun, but I ended up with a massive headache from my uncontrollable addiction. I always thought, "Summer sucks; I want to go back to school and see my friends..." Now, a little older and wiser, I know better.

Even last year, I was excited to start my first year of university. Not because I was eager to learn, meet new people, or any other cheesy reason--actually, my family was annoying me. My parents were nagging me about the same things over and over, blaming me for things that weren't my fault, and my brother was annoying the hell out of me, even MORE than usual. For me, first year was an escape from my house. In fact, I only went home for commencement, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Reading Week, and after school was over. The few times I phoned home were to ask for a new printer cartridge or for medical advice and supplies when I was majorly sick. Poor grades, getting frustrated with my friends or coworkers, or bad dreams--experiences that I would usually vent to my parents, those kind of conversations I burdened my roommate and a few friends with.

This year, is already starting off totally different. In my entire life, I have never dreaded going to school this badly as I do this year. I don't really know why. I suppose what my friend Amy said about this topic is true, "You know what to expect." University is a tough transition for me because I have to push myself to study and obtain decent grades, eat properly, support myself, and maintain balance in my extracurricular activities all at the same time. All my life, my parents have provided a comfortable, sheltered lifestyle for me, and suddenly I'm being pushed into the middle of the ocean with a tiny rowboat and a pair of oars. You know what sucks the most about all this? This is pretty much what the rest of REAL life is going to be like...survival. Childhood actually isn't a fair thing. It's so innocent, sweet, and protected then it just gets taken away from us in a heartbeat. It's a really poor representation of what life is like, and it leaves us unprepared for the real challenges to come.

I admire my parents' hard work and wonder how they ever got through this? Then I remember, oh yeah, we're a more competitive and spoiled generation. They received sufficient "survival training" from a young age by having to help out more in the kitchen and having to take on whatever job they could find to help support their families.

I don't know how people can be excited for university until they've actually experienced it. In fact, I find it kind of annoying, no offense to all my first year friends. Living in res...Sure it's a great way to meet people, but it still protects us from what living away from home is really like. As my friends and I discovered in frosh week, it feels just like camp. You get up, go to your "activities", do whatever you want whenever you want (often in groups), and walk into the cafeteria where you help yourself to whatever food is on the menu. In reality, university is a life-sized preview of the challenges to come later on in REAL LIFE. Until a person is living entirely on their own hard-earned money and survival skills (e.g. cooking), life hasn't really begun, so don't get too comfortable yet.

School hasn't even started and already I'm stressed about maintaining the house, improving my grades, getting enough exercise, honouring a balanced diet, and landing a co-op job. To accomplish these goals even half-decently, I'm going to require a lot of motivation, time, and talent. On the bright side, being able to appreciate all that my parents have done for me up to this point has enabled me to miss them. I haven't left yet, but I have a feeling I'm going to realize their absence during my studies more significantly than last year. Even if I manage to survive year 2 of hell, I still have to fight my way into whatever decent career I can establish for myself--not to mention all this is to be somehow accomplished on my own?! So much to do and so little confidence.