Confessions of a Desperately Shy Interviewee

Whether you care or not does not cause me to care. I stopped posting for a while because someone who I respect felt my posting was directly criticizing them. Although I had no intention of the sort, respect forces you to do things outside of your will and logical reasoning. Being an immature, unempathetic individual, I have decided to post again to potentially gain some personal gratification. Just getting my thoughts out here in this pretty font makes me feel...satisfied somehow. I guess a lot of this has to do with the narcissistic pleasure of narrating one's own life (me?, not so much a protagonist...more an anti protagonist)--not to mention the mesmerizing clicking of the keyboard. :)

Sitting here in a rather melancholy, non-medically depressed state shifts my thoughts towards "bigger questions" like what is the meaning of life? EXCEPT...for me I tend to ask what is the meaning of me? Other people seem to be doing well in life, so the real question lies within myself. Being actively involved in the job search process for my first co-op term has forced me to evaluate what I hope to get out of life as well as my own strengths, skills, weaknesses, potential, and long term goals.

First round seemed okay. I didn't know what to expect, but my friend Alex gave me a rough idea of how the pre-interview sign in process worked. Other than that I was told to be confident, interested, and honest. I typically went in knowing a bit about the company and why I was generally interested in that job, and I went with the flow, assuming I knew myself well enough. At the time, I didn't realize that answers are (apparently) better long than short, so alarm bells didn't go off whenever 30 minute interviews ended in 15 minutes or 1 hr long interviews ended in 20. I ended up with 7 rankings out of 10 interviews, no offers or resulting matches. I was a little saddened but not overly concerned. Friends, as obligated, assured me there were plenty of opportunities to come in second round; so second round I awaited.

This round goes pretty fast, so I've sort of lost track of all the interviews I've had and their respective ranking results. I don't know if it had to do with the jobs that I was getting interviewed for (marketing, sales), but by this point I felt like I didn't actually have anything to offer companies. To compensate for the waning sense of motivation, I attempted to put in a little more effort to prepare main points for standard interview questions as well as familiarizing myself with the company and (making an attempt at) identifying what attracted me to it initially. I could feel the desperation settling in when I went into a Sales Associate interview for Target Directories and the interviewer asked me to SELL HIM SOMETHING. I don't really know what I drank or ate prior to that interview, but I changed into this entirely energetic and perky person who was going on and on about winter jackets (i.e. telling him he had a need for the product, outlining its specs, bringing up great seasonal deals, and customizability of the product). It was great--just not great enough. For me, that interview was probably the pinnacle of my desperate interviewing attempts a.k.a. personal humiliation. Mainly because I felt I had to put on a mask to sell myself at the interview and act like the kind of people I don't personally admire...all this for a job I didn't really want.

Another great thing I've gotta love about co-op is the interviews where you feel great about your performance, yet the results just don't come through for you--it's a cruel tease, I tell you. For Copernicus Educational Products' Junior Account Manager, I hassled many of my friends for more tips and feedback on my general approach to the interview. Thus I had good reason to go into that one confidently and wholly convinced that this was the job for me. It went really well. I gave full, intoned answers to all the questions, and I truly felt confident. The interviewer and I even made a slight connection through our interest in music. I had a strong connection with Classical music training, and she was into vocals, piano, and guitar. We even talked a bit about the small band she used to be in. If I had gotten that job, there may have been the potential for a social connection beyond the typical employer-co-op student one. We could have been more, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be...but what's that saying--no homo?

I guess the last situation I wanted to mention was my most recent phone interview with Amorfix Life Sciences Ltd. For the first time in a long time, since first round, I was genuinely interested in this position of working in the R&D department of this upcoming biotechnology company. My friend Luke helped me practice my phone interviewing skills a week prior, adding 30 minutes to my dreadfully expensive phone bill, but I think it was pretty helpful. We haven't conversed much on the phone, so it was interesting to get fresh feedback on my voice, intonation, and answers because my friend Sandra and I couldn't figure out why I was failing so many interviews so miserably. I discovered that when I got nervous, I tended to say umm a lot and was advised to pause longer before answering and vary my tone in the interest of the listening interviewer. I did my very best to incorporate these tips into my interviews by practicing with my housemate, on my own, and writing notes to myself on a paper during the interview.

Amorfix was coming out with a new epitope-based technology for treating neurodegenerative disease.

Boring Biology Stuff Here...Skip at your leisure.
Basically, a big issue is to attack the Aggregate Misfolded Proteins that are leading up to these diseases without harming normal protein. With Amorfix chemical agents, the epitope markers on normal cells are altered so that only AMPs can be detected.

Having analyzed numerous companies' technologies similar to this one, I found this opportunity to get firsthand involvement extremely enticing! When I actually did the interview, she asked me a few technical questions, which were pretty simple to answer. I thought my soft skill answers were weaker, as usual, but I left satisfied that I gave my best effort.

THE SAME DAY...

I ended up with a ranking...and the next day a successful employment match! I'm really excited to start my new work term. My interviewer even mentioned the opportunity to expand into other R&D projects. It is going to be a challenging but engaging work term! =)

THE END.


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Sorry what? Was I dreaming again? Let me rewind a bit.

I actually was dreaming. I dreamt that I got the job on jobmine, which helped me to surprisingly wake up from only 6 hours of sleep. Lo and behold, when I checked, I eerily got the job. At first I was slightly creeped out by my dream. Honestly, the chances of me getting a job? No...it's not real--it can't be, after all these weeks of intense job searching????!!!! I ran up to my housemate's room and made her look over my information too, and got her to respond independently of what I thought was my dream world. It seemed legit. A few hours of blissful studying, a halved burden of stress, and surprisingly productive group studying with my housemate left me content for a few hours. I had eagerly emailed my supervisor to confirm details and reassured my parents I had not totally wasted their money on my education. Only a few hours later, my field coordinator calls me on my cell phone. To notify me. That the company made a mistake. In their rankings. And they had to. (VERBATIM) Rescind your offer.

I guess I can just look back on this as a huge learning experience filled with suspenseful twists and turns. I also obtained some insight into myself and how I fit into society. People always ask me what I want. As a self-proclaimed realist, does it really matter? Interviews have further confirmed this. In the end, it doesn't matter what you want, only what you're good at. In this aspect, I believe I am on the right track in life. I am doing what I have the most potential for--a mechanical science career with supporting business background.

It's probably safe to say that I did close to 20 interviews. Understandably, you're saying wow you have a lot of experience. What did you learn? Simple. I learned the co-op program is not really for me. I'm introverted, "overly realistic", and driven by the desire to experience any kind of success, without having any specific inclination or interest in a particular field. Employers don't want me. If I was an employer, I wouldn't want me. I also learned about myself that all I really want is to feel special or useful to someone or some company someday. Preferrably not as some kind of sexual slave or maid, but whatever life serves me I guess I will have to settle for.

Currently, I'm going to persist in trying to find a job up to the last minute, but even if I manage to find a job, it is unlikely to be one that I want and I will have to experience this plaguing process every work term to come. We shall have to see what happens, after all I'm sure my parents are looking to see some sort of investment return on the $500 co-op fee.

Overall, it's been a rough term having co-op. Surprisingly, it sneaked up on me and became my hardest "course", but it's all good. Honestly, thanks to the fact that my near-employment experience all started off with a dream, the full impact of this "cherishable" experience is not hitting me all at once. Sometimes my estrogenic weakness provokes some ocular irrigation, but I'm determined to suck it up and be a man/beast. =) After all I have a reputation to uphold amongst my friends.