The Jolly Reaper

Just to restate the obvious, I'm a terrible person, but, in truth, we all are. I have ridiculous, unconventional opinions that most people disagree with or despise. I also don't feel bad enough to hide these thoughts from the public, so don't spazz/preach at me if you're wasting your life reading this and it seriously offends you. It's a friggen blog, not the newspaper. If I wrote whatever was politically correct and common of any rationally published book, what would make it uniquely "Christie"? Nothing. Why would you even be interested in reading a "retelling" of what you already know and believe? You wouldn't.

Like the title in the classic Chicken Soup for the Soul series, here it is, the subject of my post:

DEATH AND DYING

From the movies (and/or wherever else you hear generalizations about the public), I've heard that most people are afraid of dying. Given all the other ridiculous things I'm afraid of, I'm surprisingly not afraid of death. ...And before you give me too much credit, admiration, or disbelief, I'll have to come clean and admit that I AM afraid of pain. I suppose this makes me a gutless coward, oh well. Moral: If I'm in tremendous pain, please pull the plug on me.

I've actually thought quite often about dying--how it happens, what it would be like, how people on earth would react, and if I could still watch over (or haunt!) them from heaven (hopefully). To be honest, it would, ironically, MAKE MY LIFE EASIER. Why, you may ask.

Well, knowing my lack of direction in life and lack of passionate interest in anything, what IS there to live for? Pretty much the only thing I am truly interested in experiencing is true love and raising children. I don't even mean necessarily settling down and living the quiet home life. As long as I achieve those two things, I would be content to move from place to place, travel the world, or, in the most extreme case, live off the streets. All that other stuff seems unimportant in the complex recipe for "Christie's Happiness". However, since achieving those two things (without finding a job and societal niche that I would enjoy) seems pretty unrealistic, I wouldn't mind dying at all. My buddy, the reaper, would, in fact, be doing me a huge favour.

On another note, I've been asked a couple times recently (in some form or another), "What is your preferred method of dying?" To that, I always answer, "Easy. Death by salt." I truly believe I am a sincere food lover (and not one of those loserish teenagers posting on their fb profile interests: EATING AND SLEEPING, but that's a post for another day), and one of my favourite flavourings is salt. It's pretty much the magic ingredient for making food taste good. When I inquired about how to make fried rice, someone answered that all you need is salt. Of course, that may be a more extreme, unrealistic example, but I felt it was symbolic of salt's magical properties. In fact, salt has broken the alluring spell of candy/sugars on my tastebuds. When given an option between chips and candy, salt wins me over to the former almost immediately. Apparently you can die from consuming about 1kg of it. When the time comes, I will find a way to make this possible--and enjoy every last grain. :)