You look like a monkey and you smell like one too

Christiemon
DOB: March 32nd, 1991

Side Note: As a friend pointed out, Christiemon admittedly DOES imply digimon more than pokemon. However, pokemon names are all random, so the only way I could make a pokemon reference was to mention factors of the gameboy game and the "mon" at the end. Please excuse this minor technicality, dear pokemon fans.

My least favourite day of the year is my birthday (as listed above). Apparently, normal people like to advertise their birthdays (e.g. posting it on facebook as openly as their name) or even include a countdown in their instant messaging name. I am the complete opposite; I have avoided posting it anywhere and have forbidden the select knowledgeable few from telling anyone. Don't even think about asking them; they're protecting it with their lives...wellll, in case you wish to harass them, here are a few of the individuals:

-Katie
-Alex
-Irene
-my parents (hopefully)
+ other less tactful members of the cult that would be risky to list :)

Why the secrecy, people ask?

1. I don't really like being the centre of attention or anything, and that's pretty much the purpose of birthdays--celebrating someone because they were born (i.e. my nightmare). Besides, most renditions of Happy Birthday I've heard so far were terrible, how is that pleasant for the birthday boy/girl?

2. I have a problem with presents. I don't like choosing gifts for people, and I'm rather terrible at it. Hence, I feel really bad if people remember my birthday and happen to get me a gift or even buy me a meal. This is mainly due to the fact that I'm a lazy witch who hates shopping for gifts. If you get me something, I'll feel obliged to get you something in return. If you were a true friend, you wouldn't want to subject me that torture, would you?

--AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO APPLY MY REASON IN REVERSE because if I get you something, trust me, it's not because I'm being nice, but because I actually want to buy you something (see my Play...nice? post). I'm mean, selfish and only fulfilling my desire to treat you to some monetary expression of our relationship because I can't get it down in words or actions quite as succinctly.

Btw, I also dislike birthday parties because social convention demands that you attend a birthday party with an equally pleasing gift for the honoured host. Phooey, it sucks that these gatherings always have to be so fun--a real dilemma, I tell you.

3. I'm terrible at remembering birthdays. Only a few losers in my life have been unfortunate enough to have their birthday dates stuck in my head. However, even if I KNOW the dates, I have great difficulties remembering to wish the appropriate individual well on the appropriate days.

4. If I publish my birthday everywhere and anyone who happens to check facebook/MSN at the right time, in the right mood, would probably refer to one of the following templates:

1. The classic: "Happy (optional: [insert number] th/st) Birthday, [insert name]!"
2. The snarky: "[insert old reference]" (e.g. Another year older and wiser, eh?)
3. The boring one: "Have a good one!"
4. The clever: "You're finally [insert number]...[insert some sort of drinking/legal reference]"

Admittedly, I am also guilty of posting these kinds of birthday wishes to others on occasion...but I feel obliged to wish these people hbd because clearly, that's what they want, if they're publishing their birthday on facebook. You know me, I just LOOVEEE pleasing people...

Sometimes you get people wishing you happy birthday who probably don't actually feel like wishing you happy birthday, but they add in at least a few exclamation points anyway. I don't know, I just don't feel right forcing everyone to feel happy about my birth...I'm not even that happy about it, why should I ask you be?

And that, dear reader, is the answer to that mystery.

P.S. Jennifer, if you're still reading, my birthday isn't actually April 1st, and I'm sorry for misleading you! :(