The Ups and Downs of Small Town Living

So I'm finally done with school, and it's basically everything I dreamed it would be: independence, lower stress, less drama, etc. Maybe I'll be singing a different tune later on but for once in my life I feel content in the moment. I ended up moving to a small town because I really liked the office that I interviewed at. From the first interaction with the office manager over the phone, I felt welcome and accommodated--an impression which continued into the interview and still remains true today. Coming from living in the "city" which I prefer to call "suburbs", everyone asks me how I am adjusting to such a huge change. My default instinct is to say it's going well and it's not that big a change. It really hasn't been as much a shock as people expect it to have been, and maybe it's partly because I did one of my undergrad co-ops in an even smaller town with a mere population of 1k. Other things that have made the transition easier are my heavily introverted personality and the addition of my latest family member: Percy. See my baby below. :)

On the personality spectrum of cats, he's on the friendlier, more affectionate, but also more active and passionate side. Every time I come home from work or even an excursion for a couple hours, he waddles up to the door to greet me and expects an imminent cuddle session. Conversely, he is not afraid to express his general grumpiness or displeasure with overpetting by administering a swift bite where "necessary". Anyway, I told myself I wouldn't be one of THOSE parents, yet here I am. Back on topic...

I enjoy the small town life because it's cute to have (almost) everything in a centralized area, be able to walk around and appreciate things more without too much extra noise (and other types of) pollution. The community is pretty tight-knit; everyone grew up together and either knows everyone else or knows someone else who does. Don't have an obvious connection with someone? Just give your last name and your family name will usually speak for you. Despite it being a "small town", there are regular events put on by volunteers. I think having a more intimate community gives everyone more stake in everything and it's probably the closest thing I've experienced to altruism in my waking life. I think that's saying a lot considering my cynical opinions about humanity. 

Side note: maybe to be more humane humans what we need is fewer options and a simpler lifestyle to give us clarity of the important things in life. Something I definitely don't miss about the GTA is the clutter. That's the simplest way to embody my greatest dislike about urban living. 

Don't get me wrong. Small town living has its disadvantages too. As a bit of an outsider to the area, it's been difficult to integrate myself socially. I admit this is partially my fault too because I'm not much of a small talker and the number of patient faces I see every day is a little overwhelming to make lasting connections even if I ran into them in the community. There are the few exceptions where I can imprint the face/name in my long term memory because they either had extensive dental work done or there's some additional association with the individual outside of work (i.e. drop-in sports, exercise classes). I am told it will take time, but with my somewhat closed off INTJ personality, I am a bit skeptical. The last major qualm I have with the small town life is the lack of restaurants. Perhaps it's the "city girl" in me, but I love my high quality, ethnically diverse foods. I don't think I'm pretentious enough to label myself a foodie, but eating delicious food is truly one of my greatest life pleasures. On the upside, it's given me no choice but to work on my cooking level. This I do begrudgingly--even in runescape, this skill wasn't one I enjoyed working on. 

Other smaller praises/complaints: 
PROS: 
-cheaper housing due to lower demand 
-pedestrian traffic buttons are extremely responsive--I'm talking like within 10 seconds the orange hand starts flashing (I really appreciate this as a "city girl")
-great support for community recreational programs--currently loving the free drop-in badminton and soccer 
-people are generally friendlier (appreciate this as a fellow citizen)
-and lower maintenance/more reasonable (appreciate this as a dentist)
-cottage country and the beaches are shockingly close (just need travel companions)

CONS: 
-expensive country internet and utilities 
-hot water is slower to take 
-harsher winters and power goes out more often than in the city
-inadequate health care (nearly impossible to find a family doctor) 

The Evolution of Facebook

I've been a member of the Facebook community since around 2006, so I've been around a decent enough length of time to notice changes in the hottest, most "socially acceptable" way to use it.

1. In the beginning, Facebook was, understandably, super simple. 
Make sure to add anyone you even vaguely recognize. Spam each other's WALL (not Timeline--I miss the wall!) with conversation bits. 

2. Play all the Facebook games and spam invite your friends (e.g. Candy Crush, Farmville, Restaurant City, Mafia Wars, etc.).

3. Compose a bunch of notes for people to lurk (optional: and comment on). Make quizzes to see how good your friends are at being friends.

4. Post huge albums of your trips and every artifact/historical site/interesting looking structure you encounter. Bonus points for artistic profile pic selfies with a meaningful song lyric

5. Join all the groups. Like all the things. 

6. Do all the quizzes to find out the colour/animal/Disney princess/food/article of clothing you are; this will greatly enhance your self-awareness.

7. Delete a few people from your friends list (most of whose profile pics have gone dark because they're inactive anyway) then post a deliberate status about how you're cleaning out the toxicity from your life and "if you're reading this, you have the honour of remaining my friend". Congratulations!

8. Post videos/links and tag all your close friends in it in order to guarantee a response so it doesn't look like you're talking to yourself. 

9. Join none of the groups. Like/comment on nothing. After all, "I don't do groups".

10. Profile picture filters/alterations to show that you're aware of global issues and this is the extent to which you can be bothered to get involved.

11. Tag friends in memes and "stupid but relatable" inside jokes because you don't want that garbage on your wall but you still want people on Facebook to see that you're cool enough to use Facebook just not with them.

12. Post meaningful articles and links to demonstrate your responsible citizenship--while inadvertently provoking an uncomfortable public disagreement in the comment thread between two of your friends that don't know each other and come from distinct parts of your life that you had previously hoped to keep separate. 

We've sure come a long way.

Glean all the things

So I realized I love the word GLEAN for several reasons. 1. It's simple. 2. I like how it sounds. 3. It's very applicable to me. 

Google defines glean as: 

verb 

extract (information) from various sources 
"the information is gleaned from press clippings"
synonyms: obtain, get, take, draw, derive, extract, cull, garner, gather; More 

collect gradually and bit by bit 
"objects gleaned from local markets" 

historical
gather (leftover grain or other produce) after a harvest. 
"the conditions of farm workers in the 1890s made gleaning essential"

With #3 being the main reason that I like this word, I feel this is the way I learn/pick up info. Not necessarily a good thing, but it is how I is. Rarely do I have the attention span to learn things by researching or being lectured on something in a "learning environment". Just as the definition says, I like to collect information on things "gradually and bit by bit" by overhearing it or seeing it in action.

A prime example of this phenomenon in my life is memes. I've never really gone out of my way to look up memes myself, presumably hosted by sites like reddit, imgur, funnyjunk (dating myself now I know...) but I still manage to pick them up because memes are, by nature, "viral". 

Upside: little effort, I literally only pick up things that interest me in the slightest 
Downside: may not be accurate

"Narziss and Goldmund" by Hermann Hesse

Just finished a book for leisure--shocking considering it's a "school night". I enjoyed it, though I probably don't grasp its complexities to the extent that I'd like to. Wanted to throw these passages up here before I call it a night: 


"Thought is an eternal simplification - a seeing out, beyond the things of the eye; the attempt to construct a world of pure intelligence. But you craftsmen take the most perishable of all things to your hearts, and, in their very transcience and corruption, you herald the meaning of the world. You never look beyond or above it, you give yourselves up to it, and yet, by your very devotion, you change it into the highest of all, till it seems the epitome of eternity. We thinkers strive to reach our God by drawing the world away from before His face. You come to Him, loving His creation, and fashioning it all over again. Both these are imperfect, human works; yet, of the two, art is the more innocent."

“But seen from above – as God might see it – were this patterned order and morality, this giving up of the world, and the joys of sense, this aloof withdrawal from blood and mire into prayer and philosophy, any better? Were men really made to live an ordered life, its virtues and duties set to the ringing of a bell? Was man created to study Aristotle and the Summa,  to know Greek, extinguish his sense, fly the world? Had not God made man with lusts and pride in him, with blood and darkness in his heart, with the freedom to sin, love and despair?

...Yes, and perhaps it was not merely simpler and more human to live a Goldmund-life in the world. Perhaps in the end it was more valiant, and greater in God’s sight, to breast the currents of reality, sin, and accept sin’s bitter consequence, instead of standing apart, with well-washed hands, living in sober, quiet security, planting a pretty garden of well-trained thoughts, and walking then, in stainless ignorance, among them – the sheltered beds of a little paradise. It was harder perhaps, and need a stouter heart to walk with broken shoes through forest-glades, to trudge the roads, suffer rain and snow, want and drought, playing all the games of the senses, and paying one’s losses with much grief.” 

I'll quote you on that

As always, it's been a while since my last post. Today just wanted to share some thoughts on quotes/quotations. Talking about this reminds me of one of my high school English teachers who was fairly particular about the distinct uses of "quote" and "quotation". I can still hear her voice in my head, "A quotation is a noun; to quote something is a verb. Don't call a quotation a quote." As one is wont to do for someone one's not particularly fond of, her QUOTATION reverberates in my head in a nasally tone, of course. Anyway, this post is about me quoting quotations. :) 

When I read random things or even encounter provocative song lyrics, sometimes the words really strike a chord with me (unsure whether there's an unintended pun in there to forgive or not). So I've made it a bit of a habit to note down these quotations when I can, wherever I can. Today I came across one of these many notebooks lying around. Wanted to share some on here.

LOVE

"There's the intelligent sort of love that makes an intelligent choice. That's the kind you're supposed to get married on. Then there's the kind that's anything but intelligent, that's like a possession. And that's the one, that's the one, everybody really values. That's the one nobody wants to have missed out on."

"Love always comes back to self-love. The idiocy. You don't want them, you want what you can get from them. Obsession and self-delusion." 

AMBITION 

"There are your true philosophers...they survive in this particular world better than other people. In a time when people tear themselves to pieces with ambition and nervousness and covetousness, they are relaxed. All of our so-called successful men are sick men, with bad stomachs, and bad souls, but Mack and the boys are healthy and curiously clean. They can do what they want. They can satisfy their appetites without calling them something else." 

"The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding, and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism, and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second." 

"The sale of souls to gain the whole world is completely voluntary and almost unanimous--but not quite."

MORALITY

"I don't suppose God laughs at the people who think He doesn't exist. He's above jokes. But the Devil isn't. That's one of his most endearing qualities." 

"Is the Devil, then, sin? No, though sin is very useful to him; anything we may reasonably call sin involves some personal choice. It is flattering to be asked to make important choices. The Devil loves the time of indecision." 

"Both God and the Devil wish to intervene in the world, and the Devil chooses his moments shrewdly." 

"Boredom and stupidity and patriotism, especially when combined, are three of the greatest evils of the world we live in." 

Don't get me wrong; I don't consider myself a deep thinker. I just really do love words, and have a profound respect for those with a talent for their deft manipulation.

Kardashian Day

So I'm not normally one for celebrity gossip, but I couldn't help but love what came out today. For those who don't know, Kanye West made a derogatory reference to Taylor in one of his songs. When Kanye claimed she gave him permission to use that exact lyric, she denied all claims and of course no one in their right mind would believe Kanye at that point, considering their recent history.

Well, today Taylor's "woe is me" jig is up and it couldn't be sweeter. Today, Kim Kardashian posted on Snapchat many recordings of Taylor and Kanye's exact conversation where she approved the use of the lyric--the exact opposite of what she claimed. I don't particularly like any of these three celebrities, but I'm glad Taylor is finally being exposed for the pity-starved wannabe she is.

Since it's the current trend, I've included a complimentary photo of Taylor:

Time not only flies--sometimes it soars

Hello...it's me. 

I'm well into the early half of my (last??) summer vacation, and it's pretty relaxing so far! It's been a little while since I've posted anything. Some exciting/unsure things in my near future that I wanted to briefly share: 

1. In September I'll be entering my (hopefully) final year of formal education. That means I'm one huge step closer to entering the real world, entering the workforce, and making my own money. For anyone who knows me, you know this offers what means most to me: long-awaited independence. Independence to manage my own affairs, make my own mistakes (and hopefully some successes too!), and really see what I have to offer to society. 

2. Just before that, I'll be traveling abroad semi-on my own (aka without my parents) to Jamaica for a dental outreach trip. I hope to learn a lot through this trip, feel like I'm making some contribution to areas with poorer access to oral care, and to maybe even have a little fun. It'll be my first time having Jamaican food; again, those who KNOW me know how important that is to me. 

3. Still figuring out where life will take me after my anticipated convocation in June 2017. Some options: 
a) Associate locally immediately 
b) Northern Ontario government-subsidized associateship (?) programs 
c) US residency 

All exciting options, each with their pros/cons. Trying to go with the flow and get by efficiently. This means evaluating my options carefully to make sure appealing options stay available to me as long as feasibly possible. It's likely a result of the distance away from the misery that is school/clinic, but I'm in one of those rare optimistic moods. Grateful for where my life currently is and trying not to waste everything that's been invested to get me to this point. 

Acadaemia (British spelling seemed appropriate here)

I share the ironic sentiments about acadaemia expressed in this passage:

"Beware of first- hand ideas!" exclaimed one of the most advanced of them. "First-hand ideas do not really exist. They are but the physical impressions produced by live and fear, and on this gross foundation who could erect a philosophy? Let your ideas be second-hand, and if possible tenth-hand, for then they will be far removed from that disturbing element - direct observation. Do not learn anything about this subject of mine - the French Revolution. Learn instead what I think that Enicharmon thought Urizen thought Gutch thought Ho-Yung thought Chi-Bo-Sing thought LafcadioHearn thought Carlyle thought Mirabeau said about the French Revolution. Through the medium of these ten great minds, the blood that was shed at Paris and the windows that were broken at Versailles will be clarified to an idea which you may employ most profitably in your daily lives. But be sure that the intermediates are many and varied, for in history one authority exists to counteract another. Urizen must counteract the scepticism of Ho-Yung and Enicharmon, I must myself counteract the impetuosity of Gutch. You who listen to me are in a better position to judge about the French Revolution than I am. Your descendants will be even in a better position than you, for they will learn what you think I think, and yet another intermediate will be added to the chain. And in time" - his voice rose - "there will come a generation that had got beyond facts, beyond impressions, a generation absolutely colourless, a generation

seraphically free

From taint of personality,

which will see the French Revolution not as it happened, nor as they would like it to have happened, but as it would have happened, had it taken place in the days of the Machine."

Movie Lists

I just wanted to say a few short words on movies. They're great in that you don't have to watch a whole 30+ episodes to have consumed the media work in its entirety (vs. TV shows). But like my cousin, I too have recently found myself losing the attention span for even movies. For example, everyone has pretty much only said good things about Interstellar. I get that it might in actuality be a great movie, but I have no interest in watching it. Something about the duration and the fact that it's a "space" movie--"but it's such a GOOOOOD movie"--I get that yet I still somehow can't bring myself to care about seeing it. 

Anyway I'm going off on a long-winded tangent as usual...back on track I just wanted to say that it's a pretty common thing for people to come up with lists of their favourite movies or maybe just a few all-time favourites (usually because it's a common small talk topic: "so what's your favourite movie?...What kind of movies do you like to watch?", etc, etc.). I feel like people actually have two lists of "favourite movies". 

The first list is the one that is socially acceptable. This is the one more commonly divulged, and it is usually comprised of movies that were popular at some point or another...tending to be some timeless classic or of the more recent variety. The second list only ever comes out if the person feels immune to your judgement. This is the list of movies that person actually enjoys but for whatever reason can't admit to liking to just anyone. I guess if someone admits to having weird movie favourites, you should consider yourself lucky. You're likely in their good books and they're comfortable opening up to you a little. 

Avocado > Guacamole (but not actually)

Throwing a curve ball by not writing an essay for once and employing visual aids. Here is my friend Avocado. My peers insisted I rename her Guacamole, but that name is clearly inferior. We make quite the cheeky pair don't we?

I Love April

And no, I'm not in a wonderful part of my life, nor am I particularly partial to the current month; I'm referring to a different April. So here goes...If you know me, you know that I'm not a big fan of comedy--at least not in the sense that is enjoyed by most people. I'm not a huge fan of movies, shows, or even stand-up. With one distinctive exception: Parks and Recreation. 

I recently got into this show because one of my classmates, who is actually a stand-up comedian as a hobby/talent/part-time gig/not totally sure tbh, started posting a countdown of his favourite moments from the show as it was nearing its series finale. Even though I usually lack the attention span to click on video links, something compelled me to click on these ones--and I'm glad I did! I found these clips intriguing and got into the show. So I've been binge watching the show for roughly the past two months, and I finally finished it today--only a few minutes ago actually. It was great and surprisingly enjoyable/entertaining/touching in all the right ways. It not only appealed to my sense of humour but I also identified strongly with two of the major characters. 

My first pick is probably fairly predictable, as I get the impression that most fans of the show gravitate towards this character. I personally identify with his quirks and strive to exhibit many of his traits and values. It's...Ron Swanson. Maybe you guessed it, maybe you didn't; doesn't matter. We (yes, Ron and I) don't need your approval. We also like our privacy; most people don't make the cut for knowing personal things about us (e.g. birthday, how we feel, etc.). We are also both men of few words (specifically around people we aren't that close with), love meat, and share an aversion to small talk. I also strongly admire how he is a man of principle; he knows what he stands for and believes in and sticks to his guns, making exceptions (which is usually just a strategic navigation of loopholes) only for the most valued of people. As a general rule, I'm not a fan of mustaches--even less so of them on faces, but I'll make one for Ron Swanson. Call me Tammy 4, but who can resist that adorable giggle he does?

My second pick is, I'm guessing, one of the less popular characters of the show: April Ludgate-Dwyer. I also see aspects of myself in April. She is, of course, a hyperbolic stereotype, but I identify with the traits they are trying to suggest. Apathy, a dark sardonic sense of humour, disdain for social norms, lacking passion but still looking for a purpose, hesitation to express physical/verbal/any kind of affection, etc. April's basically my twin sister.

So...to be honest, I'm not totally sure what made this show click with me. It might be the right humour? Good acting? Strong personal identification with the characters? Who knows. Thank you, Parks and Recreation, for making the last two months of my crappy school-infested life a little not crappy, kind of. I love you. Or I hate you. But I love you.

P.S. I am somehow writing this the night before a practical and written removable denture exam--and a month of 9 final exams in 3 weeks, but that's okay. This satisfied feeling of completing this great show was too good to let die without some sort of tributary recognition.

"Niceness" is a Ninja

Something annoying that I've encountered a lot recently mostly through my academic setting is people trying to be "nice" or convince others that they are "nice". This has always been something that annoyed me, but lately it's presented itself in a specific form. 

Even if all evidence points to someone being a "bad" person or having strongly negative qualities, some people will say "Well, I STILL don't think they're a bad person..."--and here's the kicker--"...because they haven't done anything bad to me." This is the most selfish and pretentious thing that I've heard these "nice"-strivers say so far. Extreme analogy: The Nazis didn't do anything bad to ME; therefore, I can't hold anything against them. They're not bad people. 

Mid-Dental School Life Crisis

Not sure what happened over the break, but I feel less stressed and uptight about school since I came back after Christmas. I know school is still picking back up, but I feel like I'm also in a better mood and my hobbies are changing. Gone are the days where I got my daily guilty fix from online (usually MOBA) gaming and non-stop board gaming. Instead, I've been sleeping earlier, getting back into reading (non-academic literature FINALLY), watching a few strongly recommended TV shows and movies, and listening to Classical music. 

For those interested, a bit more detail on each of the changes I mentioned:
1. Sleeping earlier around 10:30 pm - 1 am (vs. my previous 2-4 am bedtime).
2. Reading up on classics I only ever heard about but never read. Currently working on Dickens' Tale of Two Cities. Reading this classic piece of literature serves as a sad reminder of how long it's been since I've read a decent book. Some of the language is hard to wrap my head around, so I have to give certain passages a few tries before it sinks in. I feel like my reading maturity/skills stopped around grade 12 (i.e. like most people, around the time high school English ended and university started); this is something I'd like to work on. This change is particularly refreshing because I feel like I'm getting back in touch with everything I love about language, words, and fresh storytelling. Also trying to get back into the habit of noting new/unfamiliar words that I come across to expand my own vocabulary (the growth of which probably also halted around grade 12).
3. I've found a few TV/movie buddies (one in particular!) that have very similar tastes. As a result, I've been exposed to goodies like There will be Blood, Cube, and Fargo (TV show). I also finally watched Sin City 2. I don't care what the ratings say; I loved it.
4. Classical music listening...this probably started when I visited my friend's website promoting his music school. Every time I hear him play a serious Classical piece, (it sounds crazy and totally cheesy, I know) I fall into a trance-like state. This experience reminds me of the days when I used to support my brother at his violin competitions and he pulled off an amazing performance that made me proud to be seen with him (for once, jk). I think I might be approaching that age that I was forewarned about all my life...where I regret not putting more effort into practicing piano. Everyone (especially my mom) taunted me with this forecast, and I'll never admit it to their faces, but I think it is finally coming true...now...? For those who don't know, fun fact: my favourite Classical composers are Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy, Rachmaninov (roughly in that order). Yeah, surprise (or not) I'm essentially a Romantic girl.

I can't even attribute these positive changes to the new year because I didn't make new year's resolutions, and I barely remember to write "2015" or "xx/xx/15" at the top of my notes. It all just feels very new and strange...is something wrong with me? Am I having some sort of personal crisis with oddly beneficial side effects? Maybe after school gets back into full swing, I'll just lapse back into the game-addicted, sleep-deprived slob I was/know/am comfortable with...I'll report back with whatever happens.

Yeah, this was a post of me complaining about how happy (?) I am...

Tis the Exam Season

I've never been much for the coffee shop culture, but with my recent difficulty studying at home I've been going to Starbucks and occasionally Williams to get some studying done. It's not me at my most productive but, considering my waning study habits, "productive" is a relative term now. I'm still struggling with school and trying my best to stay focused and motivated, and I suppose this behaviour is a step in the right direction. If you haven't heard me complain endlessly about the insane December schedule I had last year, here is this year's schedule to give you some idea of my pain (as well as an idea of the kind of courses I'm taking):
Dec 1 - Endodontics
3 - Diagnosis and Treatment Planning
4 - Fixed Prosthodontics
5 - Operative
9 - Practice Administration
10 - Periodontics
12 - Oral Diseases
15 - Anaesthesia
17 - Growth and Development

Random thoughts regarding the quotation "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I love lemons--in candy, in food, and occasionally by itself for a fun wake-me-upper haha. That said, this quote doesn't really hit home for me, but I'd much rather revise it to be: When life gives you coriander, spit it out. I warned you--random.

Does anorexia make you nervosa?

There's a wide spectrum of girls' appetites and attitudes about how they want their eating capability to be perceived by others. I'm referring mainly to the quantity of food. Some girls just have smaller appetites. Some girls force themselves to eat less in order to sculpt themselves into their idea of their own "perfect body". Some just eat to their heart's content as long as it's reasonably healthy, or they're able to compensate for the caloric intake through other means (e.g. exercise). But the one type of girl that has stood out to me lately is the one that, weirdly enough, wants people to think they eat a lot--often more than they actually do. It's kind of weird actually...I don't know why but for some reason it reminds me of reverse discrimination. Anyway, worst analogy but let me attempt to explain where I think this "big eater" mentality comes from. 

Many girls who "watch what they eat" are doing so to avoid "getting fat". As you know such situations may progress to the point of a girl becoming anorexic (diagnosis: anorexia nervosa). Even when it doesn't, the comment always comes out in one form or another (jokingly or not): "Omg, that girl is so anorexic" or "How come you don't eat a lot? Are you anorexic?" Sometimes I worry this awareness (great!) of the disease has actually created more of a stigma (not so great...) around it; thus some girls don't want people to think they have smaller appetites (because God forbid that would make you an "anorexic") and make a show of how much they eat. This is one rationale I believe to be behind this. Another one may be that this "big eater" mentality is a passive aggressive form of bragging. A lot of the girls that engage in this behaviour are quite skinny, so I believe they adopt this behaviour to make it obvious that they eat a lot but still manage to maintain their image. Think about it--how many plus size girls with big appetites aggressively publicize how much they eat? 

I guess I made this post to rant about one of the appetite types that have been bugging me lately. I can't even blame these girls entirely because their behaviour is, I believe, a result of societal circumstance. I personally can vouch for the societal behaviours shaping the "big eater" attitude because I have felt the need to adopt it from time to time. 

One time a guy was trying to point out (in a mocking tone) how little I was eating at a sushi buffet saying that I don't eat anything and that he eats sooo much more than me. There are several things I'd like to point out about this story:
A. I'm not a huge fan of sushi, so obviously I'm not going to go all out eating. Of course when people like a certain food, they'll often magically have more room to eat it--EXHIBIT A: DESSERT.
B. Many times people mistakenly assume I eat less than them because they continue eating longer than me. That is flawed thinking because I'm a relatively quick eater, so comparing the end times of our meals says nothing about who ate more. 
C. I pointed out a past situation where we both ordered medium pizzas from the same restaurant at the same time where I finished my whole pizza in one sitting and he ate maybe 5 out of the 8 slices. When I brought up this incident, his response was that he could have eaten it all if he wanted to. Even in the unlikely scenario where that may have been true, the fact that I was hungry enough to eat my whole pizza but he wasn't indicates that I have a larger appetite. 
D.  Calm yourself, it's not a contest. Even if it was, males tend to be physically larger than females on the average, so your picking a fight with me over this is really quite pathetic. 

Anyway, I'm surprised myself that a guy is involved in such a scenario. I would think that girls are usually worse at making other girls feel bad about their eating habits; that's just how girls are. I think it relates to the motivations for why girls judge other girls and the comments they make. Females like to see how they compare to other females and because of our sensitive side we may harbour feelings of envy that come out as potentially passive-aggressive comments in order to feel better about ourselves. 

Basically, what I can glean from my reflection of this attitude and the forces that have shaped it is that we need to stop commenting on how much people, particularly girls, eat. Especially at our weight-gaining age, it can be a bit of a sensitive topic, and people have their personal reasons for their own eating habits. It's juvenile to make it a contest or pass judgement.

So, embarrassing story...

If I haven't already told you about it, my school is having a lot of administrative problems that are making this difficult school year unnecessarily more difficult. I'd rather not go into the details because it's a complex problem that doesn't really make sense unless you're familiar with the typical goings-on of a dentistry program. Also, I've exhausted the topic by ranting it about it already to a select few unfortunate individuals. Anyway, the bottom line of all these issues is that I haven't been doing well on the assessments so far. I'm not talking about the "oh no I didn't get a 90" standard--I actually haven't been achieving the passing grade of 60 on almost every single practical/quiz/project that we've had so far this year. This frustrating situation has come about from a combination of: administrative problems with my school, lack of motivation/dedication, fatigue from a strenuous school schedule, and MOST IMPORTANTLY insufficient practice time to develop my skills and figure out hands-on things by getting my hands on things (you'd think this would be a given but it isn't). 

Anyway, this situation has been going on since the beginning of the school year. Today my mental/emotional state kind of decided it had reached its limit, and I broke down. Yes, that was my embarrassing moment of the day. After an unproductive drilling practice session (mind you, after a 12 hour school day spanning 8am-8pm), I guess I reached the last straw. As I waited for my roommate in the locker room, I reflected on how things were going (biiiig mistake), and I could kind of feel tears coming up so I left the locker room to sit somewhere more isolated. Unfortunately, this "isolated" area ended up being a popular exit for many of my classmates, and that's where the tears actually started to come out. I awkwardly tried to hide my face and play with the only thing I had on me (a hairclip), but some people saw me. I tried to brush it off because I didn't want to talk about it, and I got out of there as soon as I could. It was super embarrassing because I don't really like friends or acquaintances to see me cry. The worst part was that I felt silly crying over a situation that every single one of my other classmates were also dealing with, but I just couldn't stop.

When I eventually got home, I was still super embarrassed and took a little while to calm down. My roommate was super nice and gave me cut fruits, offered to cook food for me, and basically said she was there to talk whenever I needed it. I feel very thankful that I have her, but I also feel ridiculous about the whole situation. I know it's normal to cry once in a while, but I'd rather it didn't happen in front of so many of my classmates. Estrogen op.

Cooking at Varied Speeds

For those who know me pretty well, you know that I'm not much of a cook. While I love living away from home for school, one thing I really hate about it is having to fend for my own "consumables". Like any student, I go into each year with nauseatingly optimistic expectations/plans about my diet for the school year. And every time I have attempted to improve my cooking skills, save money, eat healthier, etc., I have failed...until now! :) 

This year I am living with one of my classmates, and it's working out pretty well! We are quite compatible in our living and study habits. Having a roommate that I can really connect and interact well with has motivated me to care more about the cleanliness of the apartment and take more initiative with my cooking. It helps that she is a good cook who is often willing to offer me tips. She also shares her meals with me from time to time, and this compels me to make some food of my own and share it with her in return (at her own risk of course). So far some of the dishes that I have been successful with include: 

1. My classic foolproof dish...Pasta
2. Mapo tofu - the chinese flavour packets are amazing for this.
3. Korean curry - I figured this out last year when I was living on my own, and I manage to get it right from time to time.
4. Asian style noodle stir fry - inspired by one of my classmates who recommended a Chinese hot chili bean sauce. The Chinese are honestly lifesavers with their delicious sauces. Just make sure you check the label for MSG-free products.
5. Korean pork belly with side dishes (aka Samgyup sal) - also a relatively recent discovery from last year. Easy to do and makes me feel healthy when I wrap it in lettuce with a korean hot pepper paste. Unfortunately this go-to recipe will probably go into hibernation for a while because I'm getting sick of it.
6. Kimchi fried rice - another one of my classic go-to's. It's pretty hard to go wrong with this dish, but I can't make this recipe too often because I rarely go back home during the school year, which is where I usually get my kimchi. 
7. Sausage stir fry - spur of the moment dish where I added tomato sauce and peppers. I consider this dish to be an especially significant accomplishment because it's the first time I've successfully made (or even attempted) a sausage dish since I food poisoned myself with uncooked sausages. I guess I was a bit traumatized...

8. And my latest experiment is also inspired by one of my classmates. One time I was at her place when I smelled something amazing cooking in the kitchen. That was my first encounter with the wonderful invention called the slow cooker. If I wasn't sold at the smell, I was definitely convinced I had to have one when she proceeded to explain that slow cookers were ridiculously simple to use: just throw things into it. 

So...lengthy prelude out of the way, here I am waiting to see how my slow cooker recipe turns out. This weekend I prepped a random slow cooker recipe that I found on the internet. It's super basic (and I mean that word in the least trendy way possible). Just-literally-THREW IN carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, and pork ribs with some wine, rosemary, and italian dressing to the slow cooker. I had to prep this in advance for tomorrow's meal because this is a super busy school week for me (a complaint for another time). I'm excited to try it tomorrow because it already smelled delicious while it was cooking. 

Anyway, after my few (yet notable!) cooking successes this year, I feel I've already improved a lot from where I was before. Hopefully I can keep it up and continue to expand my boundaries. Before I know it I'll be able to actually look forward to making and eating my own food--a vital life skill that I've always wanted to acquire but without prior success. 

--Then again, it's still quite early in the year; it's not too late for my old patterns to resurface. What's a Christie post without a little realism?

Blurry and Out of Focus

This post is meant to elaborate on one of the major things that has been bothering me about school lately: my poor work habits and inability to motivate myself to learn. Having finally achieved my goal of making it into this program and being basically set for my career path, I think I've lost the motivation to push myself academically. No matter how close I feel to the edge--whether it's the day before a final exam or I'm on the verge of failing a course--I feel the subconscious tingling of guilt and stress but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. In undergrad, I've had my moments of laziness and procrastination for sure but never to this extent. I'd always pull through for myself within the last few days, and everything would work out. Somehow things are different now.

Maybe I'm truly burnt out from school now...? Or maybe I've finally met my academic limit and I am not capable of handling this kind of workload? Who knows. Whatever it is, I try to keep myself sane by focusing on the bigger picture. I want to become a dentist and to do that, I need to become a competent clinician through plenty of learning, practice, and patience. I honestly don't know what else to do but to keep on it. 

Sometimes I even get angry at myself for being so lazy and unmotivated because I know that spots in this program are very competitive, and I can't help but wonder if I'm taking the place of someone more deserving. 

On the same note of stress and despair, I feel pretty discouraged about my skills as a prospective dentist. I'm not doing very well with the few drilling or filling exercises that we've covered so far. Before I entered the program, my uncle (who is currently a dentist) warned me that developing clinical skills and dexterity will be very discouraging at times and not to give up. I always try to keep this in mind when I'm having these doubts, but in the end they're just words to me. I can't help what I feel. People say "Oh, we're all going through the same thing because we're all new to these skills. Don't worry!". But again, they feel like empty words. I see the work that people are doing, and no one else seems to be struggling as I am; thus, the excuse of me being new to these skills doesn't seem valid to me. Again, I don't know what else to do but to keep trucking through it and hope that one day my hands have an epiphany. 

I think I've summarized my negative feelings on this subject adequately. 
The countdown has already begun: 3 years and 2 months left.

It's been a while crocodile

Hello there! Feeling boring of my games and not having much going on with school right now, I decided to return to my blog. After all, you know me, I can never complain enough. Enough with the inverted sentences though...

So where am I in my life right now? Literally, I am in a single apartment 5-minutes walk from class. Where is my class? Class is at the Medical Sciences building at Western University. I am now open to stalk, but trust me I'm not even worth stalking. Life-wise/less literally, I am almost done my first year of my doctor of dental surgery degree. In a lighter shade of English, that means I'm almost 1/4th dentist! :) Yes, I have finally picked a definite direction for my life, and I have to say it's pretty exciting. I love being able to quantify how much more schooling I have and count down the days until I enter the real world! I'm so ready to finish school, get my own place, buy car insurance, have 100 percent control over what goes into and out of my bank account, and have the right to allow whoever I want into my own place whenever I want! All this sounds amazing when I think about it, yet when I get so bogged down in the details of my current schooling situation, I tend to feel depressed and overwhelmed at times when I should instead be thankful and try to enjoy life a little more. Then again, that's always been my problem: I focus so much on the little problems despite the things that are going my way and end up skewing the overall picture. 

Anyway, just writing this post has definitely served its purpose. To be honest, I came here to sulk and basically perform an emotional vomit on the Internet; instead talking out what my situation actually is has reminded me (yet again!) to see the good in my situation and to go with the flow. Now to go do girly things and try on my friend's dresses for a potential formal event that I will be attending this weekend. It really is true that we make our own happiness...just wish I was a better, more consistent maker. 

Vertically challenged and full of C6H12O6

Does it say something about us if...

Gangnam style can break into the North American market through some ridiculous Youtube video (of which  most people don't even know/care about the true meaning), while other half-decent, hardworking international artists have to struggle for it. I'm thinking Wonder Girls and Boa but I'm certain there are tons more.

Extreme lack of talent (e.g. Rebecca Black) can become more popular than slightly above-average talent through a general eagerness to criticize and troll.

Professionals (e.g doctors, teachers, athletes - namely HOCKEY PLAYERS) are fighting tooth and nail to maintain their (in some cases, ridiculously high) pay while there are many recent graduates and aspiring professionals eager to get even their toe in the door. We need professionals who are actually going to contribute to the profession  positively instead of worrying about how much they're paid and throwing around their weight with overestimated self-importance. Here is my concerning question: does that happen to all of us once we get into that cushy position?